The Power Transformation Podcast
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The Power Transformation Podcast
121. Empowering the Next Generation: Resilience, Mentorship, and Leadership with Alphonso Mayo
What if your greatest challenges were actually the foundation for your purpose? Alphonso "Mayo" Mayo’s journey from growing up in Baltimore during the crack epidemic to becoming a leader in youth empowerment is a testament to resilience, mentorship, and breaking generational cycles. Raised by his grandparents, he learned that transformation starts with mindset, embracing his #NeverGetComfortable philosophy to push beyond adversity. Join us as Mayo shares powerful insights on the barriers Black men face, the life-changing effect of positive male role models, and how creativity can redefine success for future generations. If you're ready to uncover the keys to lasting change, this conversation is for you.
Connect with Mayo:
Episode 121's Affirmation:
I am a shining, powerful, positive light in this world who inspires those around me.
I invite you to leave a positive message with your insights, feedback, or uplifting message.
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When you were growing up, who is someone who poured something positive into your life? I want you to think about that question, because my guest here today, alfonso Mayo, does just that with his messages of hope, his messages of determination and so much more. He is a mentor, believer and speaker who has an incredible transformational story, and he's dedicated to empowering individuals, especially the youth, to unlock their full potential and achieve their dreams. And his journey wow, what a journey it certainly has been, and his interview is certainly going to be one of the most powerful you've heard here on the Power Transformation Podcast. And, with that being said, welcome to the Power Transformation Podcast. I am your host, alethea Felton. I am certainly glad that you joined me today. Thank you so much for your support and, if you have not done so already, if you are a newer listener, go ahead and follow the Power Transformation Podcast and share it with at least five people that you know. We are a movement here, and it is because of you that I can continue bringing valuable messages so that people can be uplifted, inspired and can do something in their own lives to change their community and the world around them. And thank you to those of you who have been with me since the beginning. We are on to something so big and huge and a lot has been happening and I am grateful, so grateful that you are a part of this journey. So thank you very much.
Alethea Felton:I want to dive right into Mayo's interview. Yes, he likes to go by Mayo, so I would like to dive into his interview. But, as is customary, we always begin with an affirmation to not only empower us but to bring things into existence. So I am going to say the affirmation once and you repeat it I am a shining, powerful, positive light in this world who inspires those around me. I am so thrilled to have Alfonso Mayo here and we only call him Mayo, but I wanted to be a professional and say his whole name, but for purposes for this interview and just who he is, he's Mayo. So welcome to the Power Transformation Podcast, mayo.
Alphonso Mayo:Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure being with you.
Alethea Felton:Thank you so much. I really appreciate you and we're going to jump right into this interview. Oh my gosh, you have made such a powerful, powerful impact influence on so many people. But before we talk about that and about your incredible life story, that could really be a movie. We are going to get into this, where I always like to start with a random icebreaker question. So this is your question. Okay, if your life were a hashtag, the first hashtag that comes to mind about your life what would it be and why?
Alphonso Mayo:That's easy Hashtag never get comfortable. And it's something that we we say as an organization, and the reason we say say that is because comfortability leads to complacency and complacency leads to a lot of other things that we often don't want. And the reason I say it would be that is because being uncomfortable actually molds you. I think that you know, my relationship with God has shown me that you have to be flexible, moldable, breakable, to be like recreated, and there's nothing comfortable about being broken, there's nothing comfortable about being taken away from. You know what feels good to what hurts, to what God has for you, and so I would say I would say never get comfortable, like never get comfortable with the normalities or what you believe, and I think that aligns with not my will, but your will.
Alethea Felton:So, yes, I like that, I like that a lot. Okay, very good, and I'm glad that it came easily for you. So, with that being said, with that hashtag in connection with who you are, if you were to describe who Mayo is, what would you say?
Alphonso Mayo:Oh man, that's another good question. What would you say? Oh man, that's another good question. Well, in my mind, I think I'm extremely simple, I'm very direct, I'm very straightforward, I'm very honest, even brutally honest, but at the same token, I would say that Mayo is extremely tough on himself. You know, I would say that he is very ambitious, very God-driven, very loyal, very given of self, and Mayo has learned to love himself. And it's been like a journey, because while I'm, you know, simple, sometimes there can be complexity in the most simplest things, because people don't understand simplicity as much as we think they can, and so some people might be like well, you know, he's because he's so passionate, he's aggressive, or because he, he really loves what he do and he believes God put in his life like he's, he's really not flexible. I'm extremely focused. I'd like to focus on one task and make sure that that task is done right, and so I would say, although I describe myself as simple.
Alphonso Mayo:I think that there's some complexity about me because, you know, god made us uniquely made and so you know, some days I'm extremely relaxed and other days I'm a little more antsy, and those days that I'm focused I'm a little more, you know, locked in.
Alphonso Mayo:And you know but then there's days where I'm just a connector. You know I'm here to you know, connect people and ideas and relationships, and so I'm complex, but I I will say, for the most part, the best way is, like man, I tend to go with wherever the like, wherever God flow is. So if it's good, I'm gonna go with it. If it's not combative, I'm gonna go with it. You know, if it, if it can help the greater good of our situation, I'll go with it. Um, and so yeah, yeah, I like that.
Alethea Felton:And about Lord, you got me even thinking about the whole complexity piece because I think what you say is so powerful in that there are so many different aspects even about you, of the work you do in the community with youth, but also just in your own household, being a husband, father, friend, just a lot to a lot of people.
Alethea Felton:And yet you still have managed to give of yourself, while also being self-assured as to who you are and walking in that confidence. And that leads me to kind of want to go back some in your upbringing, because you grew up in. In your upbringing because you grew up in Baltimore and, of course, people who are listening, that's on the East Coast, it's in the state of Maryland, and when Mayo and I first met, I told him I have a lot of relatives who are natives out there but grew up there and you had a lot of different challenges growing up and that is really a key part of your story and the complexities of who you are. So kind of take us back is that you grew up had an absent father, a mom struggling with addiction. Take us to what was that pivotal moment or experience in your life that made you realize that you wanted to grow up having a different life than what you had.
Alphonso Mayo:Oh man, pivotal moment, I think. So you know, just for clarity, so everyone understands what you're talking about. So I was born, you know, really at the height of the crack epidemic here in Baltimore. My mom was an addict, my dad was an addict, my dad was a dealer who dealt to my mom. It was like a weird circumstance. But I wound up living with my paternal grandparents and, you know, one of my earliest memories is like of my grandmother, like cleaning up our house and our house was very dysfunctional 16 people, four generations deep, 900 square feet, not a lot of income, living off about probably $975 government assistance, and so I believe like just kind of looking at how my grandmother was maneuvering through, like she always had a really kind spirit, a really subtle spirit, like almost unbothered, and it was weird because I'm like this is chaos.
Alphonso Mayo:But, even in the midst of chaos, she was like the middle of the tornado, just so unbothered, so quiet, so peaceful, and always wanted to help people. And I remember, you know, saying to myself like I want to. I want my grandmother to be proud of who I become, because I knew she she never said it, but you can feel it in her spirit like she wasn't happy with the circumstances, which is why she never really let her kids go, because she knew like they're not independent enough to go out here and thrive on their own. And when they would leave for a short period of time, they always came back and it was more chaos and you know. So for me wanting to do right by my grandmother to show her like hey, we're all not the same and you know I'll be properly prepared, there was an incident that happened. I used to fight a lot in school.
Alphonso Mayo:I grew up very angry and got suspended so many times. But there was this one particular time that really changed my mind, and it happened twice. But the first time I got into a fight, my grandma she would catch the bus to take me back to school because we didn't have a car for transportation. And I went to my friend's house after being suspended and his mom just kind of pulled me to the side and was like hey, let me talk to you. And I said, hey, what's going on?
Alphonso Mayo:She was like you know when are you going to be tired of embarrassing your grandparents? You know when are you going to be tired of embarrassing your grandparents? And I was like what do you mean? And she was like you know, I don't know much about your family, but I know like she started running off the dysfunctions. You know this person do this, this, this, that. Why would you want to add to that? And it hit me because I'm like embarrassing my grandmother, I'm not trying to embarrass my grandmother. And I realized my entire family, whether they know, whether it was known or not known, that's what they were doing and I didn't want to be a part of that and I stopped fighting. I never got suspended after that day I'm not going to say I didn't get angry.
Alethea Felton:I did.
Alphonso Mayo:I never got suspended because I never wanted my grandma to catch the bus again to send me to school and I never wanted no one else to be able to say that to me. And, weirdly enough, that was my ninth grade year, my freshman year of college. I was struggling with reading. I was in a remedial reading class and my teacher, my professor at the time, she was an older lady and I kind of walked out of class. She called me for reading.
Alphonso Mayo:I was struggling and at the end of class she was like I need to talk to you. And she said you know who raised you? And I was like my grandma. And she was like no way. She was like there's no way. There's no way you show up the way you show up, but your grandmother raised you. I don't believe that". And she was like because if she did, she would show up differently. And those two I'm like wait a minute, they're showing up again. I'm hundreds of miles away from my home, but something is still inside of me where I'm showing up a certain way, where I'm embarrassing my grandmother. And since then, know, since then I was like you know, I never want to embarrass my grandmother again and a part of that meant it couldn't be like the normalities within my family.
Alphonso Mayo:So, you know, I never did drugs. I was like you know, even like drinking alcohol I waited until the proper age 21. I didn't, I wasn't going to stand on any corners, I just couldn't do it. You know, even like accepting government assistance. I was like you know, I will cut grass before I do that.
Alphonso Mayo:So it was literally saying I don't want to be like this thing, so that I could really make my grandmother proud to show her that all of the work and energy and effort that she put into me, um, it panned out so like, even like, when I wake up now and in my home and I'm able to give my kids a different life, I think to myself I, you know, like I open my refrigerator, I'm like I never had this, but I know my grandmother would be proud of it. And, um, it always shows back up because my son's never met my grandmother, but they know who she like, they know it. Like I saw, grandmother, you know, and my, my, my, my oldest son, who has autism, he'll be like, you know, she in heaven, right. Like he'll just randomly say it at the dinner table and be like you know, you know, look at y'all smiling.
Alphonso Mayo:I'm like man, so just not wanting to be like my family and not wanting to embarrass my grandmother and knowing that my life is a representation of what she was able to instill in me.
Alethea Felton:And so, yeah, that's how I show up. At least try to show up every day. People saw more in you than you probably even saw in yourself at the time, and to have the courage to even speak up to say, hey, what are you doing. That actually is really key, because I've experienced where I've seen people and I've told you I'm a former educator. I used to work with some people not all, but I used to work with some who literally already felt that kids were hopeless and wouldn't, change in middle and high school and I'm like, what are you talking about?
Alethea Felton:As long as you have breath in your lungs, you can still change, and sometimes people thought I had a very idealistic view, but I didn't. I'm like they're not dead and they're kids that need molding and shaping and even when you're young and still reckless, there's still hope, even the worst of the worst person. I have seen people who were counted off and have made incredible lives, and so I'm very glad that you had at least those two experiences of people telling you more. Now, how do you go from this angry child Because that's one area you kept emphasizing was how angry you were, and, not to be sarcastic, but when we talk about the anger, I understand the circumstances, but what exactly was the root or the reasoning for that anger? And then how do you transform from this angry person to this man who creates this incredible mentoring program?
Alphonso Mayo:hmm, that's a great question. For me, my anger stemmed from not feeling the presence for love of my, my biological mom, so always seeking and longing something that wasn't there. So actually, in my book, you know to like in the middle of the chapters, I said, you know, um, essentially I disregarded the love other people had for me, because I was seeking the love that never was going to show up for me and it never did. And but I was waiting. You know I was.
Alphonso Mayo:I remember being at my football games, looking at my friends and, to, you know, interact with them and feeling like this emptiness and emptiness. It would go from sadness to anger, sadness to frustration. You know sadness. And so, even though you know my grandma was giving me, you know, boundless love, I still was. I was forcing, pushing that away for a very long time, um, and I think it made it excusable for me to show up a certain way, you know, like, hey, well, you know his mom is not in his life. He should be angry because the my reality was the majority of my friends didn't have their fathers, okay, and I was. I was okay with that, yeah, because I didn't see it, but I saw the love and attention and affection that they was getting from their moms and I just I wanted that. So I believe like that was the root cause, so that was number one in them.
Alphonso Mayo:I always tell people my dad he was present but absent. My dad didn't teach me anything about being a man. Majority of what he brought to the table was, you know, physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse. It was just abuse after abuse after abuse and I did not feel at all value and I couldn't fight him back, especially when I was little. So I would go take that frustration and anger out on other people. I think it was compounded by the fact that everybody in my house was fighting one another. That's how we engaged, the fact that everybody in my house was fighting one another.
Alethea Felton:That's how we engaged. Um, well, that's how they engaged. Quick question was your grandmother your mom's mom or your dad's mom? My paternal, so my dad's oh interesting, okay, okay, wow and so um.
Alphonso Mayo:So you know, but in our household, outside of my grandparents, everyone else engaged in some sort of physical or verbal, mental, psychological abuse tactic to try to get their way, and so it was just kind of it was in me. It was harder to control, especially, you know, in school systems where you have to fight to survive. So it was, I'm going to make sure I'm the toughest of the toughest. You know, the slightest of anything that will aggravate me. I'm going to be overly aggressive, I'm going to fight you. I didn't. It's not even that I wanted to fight, it's just that's how you show up to protect yourself. You know, and as I, what really started to happen as I was getting older.
Alphonso Mayo:I've always kind of been like standoffish or like a standout, one of the two, but when my friends would do group things I wouldn't do it, and so like they wanted to start jumping people, and initially I was a part of it, but then I started to see how violence was evolutionizing.
Alphonso Mayo:Essentially it went from jumping people Then I started saying people like hearing about people get stabbed and then people get shot. And in my mind I was like wait, I'm on that trajectory, you know, because I'm fighting at some point somebody I'm like I'm not even going to fight you back, you know. And once I started to realize that I was like I'm going to disengage from you know, being one like in physical altercations coupled with what you know Travis mother had shared with me, like hey, you're embarrassing your grandma. So those were like to me two realities, and then I think it took me a long time to really cope with my anger. I would, um, I really would just stuff it, you know. So things that aggravated me or irritated me. I felt like I wasn't really worthy of speaking up about those things.
Alethea Felton:I really didn't know.
Alphonso Mayo:You know, like there's like a feeling chart that you know we showed children, but I couldn't really identify those feelings. A lot of times I didn't know if it was irritation or frustration or sadness, or it was just like coupled with so many things, and so, like I will say, probably from like 18 to 20 something, I just it was a mixture of things that didn't really comprehend or articulate, and then when it would get to like the surface, everything would come out at once. Or if somebody was aggressive towards me or argumentative towards me, then I would say, hey, this this, this, this, this, this. So they would be like dang, like where's all of this coming from? And I realized that that was hurting more people than it was helping them. Uh, in my personal life, uh, and so I try my best, let me.
Alethea Felton:Let me jump in really quickly. During all of this time, mayo, when you were dealing with your anger, the emotions, were you literally handling this on your own or did you seek professional help? That's a lot to carry, that's heavy.
Alphonso Mayo:No, not I wouldn't say professional help, I did. You know, I did what I thought was right, like I went to church and talked to my pastor. I tried to seek guidance within. You know the religious context and I and I even felt judged there. So I was like yeah this ain't this ain't helpful. You know yeah, um because I'm.
Alphonso Mayo:You know you're making me feel like I'm just a walking burden of sin and you know you're telling me these things like if you accept God, and there's a renewing of your mind and I'm like, but I have accept God and I still have these things inside of me. So I will say that it was extremely challenging. I did start this like seek therapy and but it wasn't really helpful in the initial stages, mainly because many of the therapists didn't look like myself. I either was left with women or a white counterpart.
Alphonso Mayo:And I'm like you really don't understand where, like we not waking up to the same realities, and it just became very challenging. And so you really don't understand where we're not waking up to the same realities, and it just became very challenging. And so I will say, in my opinion, the pandemic really helped me and saved my life. And there's an author by the name of Torren Roberts and he has a book called Wholeness, and during the pandemic I would walk every day, day I will cry and walk, I will cry. I was walking about 10 miles a day and I would go home and I would read this book wholeness, and I realized, like how broken I was, um, and so I started to accept the fact like, hey, you know you're broken, but you can be healed once you start to one. Let these things go, let these people go. You know, don't force relationships. Relationships to just be a natural thing like our relationship, our spiritual relationship. It should just be a shouldn't be forced.
Alphonso Mayo:And so I wind up losing a lot in order to like gain a better sense of myself, like it was. Some of the darkest days were the lowest points in my like I, uh, I wound up separating during that, that phase in my life because I realized like it just was taken away from me. It was. It was not to say like she was a bad person, I don't think that but it was just taken away from okay. Uh, and simultaneously I'm teaching young men how to cope with their feelings. So it kind of panned out because they got a chance to see me, you know, go to the waterfront, sin, pray, meditate, like, and I would take them and say, hey, you know, this is what I'm experiencing is okay, and he's like you know what it is okay? Um, because I empathize with children, like really well, and I was like man, but I'm struggling with empathizing with myself and empathizing with other adults.
Alphonso Mayo:So it's, I will say, getting over. That is a journey. It's not like a, it's not like, you know, a car shop where you go and get the oil change and everything as well. It's not like that. It's not like that. Some days are good, other days I need my spiritual brothers and so I started a spiritual group. It's all men and man. It's so trans every wednesday night. It's so transformational, because you, you feel like a lot of times that your experience is singled out uh-huh no, not at all.
Alphonso Mayo:I have older men, I have some younger, and when you just listen and I'm I'm facilitating and I'm empathizing and we're praying and we're sharing and we're helping, I'm like, man, wait a minute. And so what I realize is that I need a circle of men who are just as vulnerable or just as open, who is just as, who is just who wants to be, you know, better versions of themselves. Like that helps me thrive, um, and knowing like I have them as like an accountability group, helps me.
Alphonso Mayo:It doesn't mean I'm perfect, I still get angry you know I still get angry, but at the same I'm not like who I used to be Like. I don't even have the thoughts that I used to have, and so that's really, it's a journey.
Alethea Felton:Amazing. Yes, it's definitely a journey, and I thank you for your vulnerability and transparency. B because I think it's so important, especially when we talk about our Black men. You know I interview so many different guests, but when it comes to our Black men, especially mental health matters, emotional health matters, spiritual health matters I'm a proponent of therapy. However, I always say, just like with any specialist, you got to find the right fit and therapy can also happen outside of your traditional therapist.
Alethea Felton:So what type of support system do you have in place? What are you doing for yourself through that? Prayer, meditation, quiet time, spending time in nature, sports, anything that can help you come to the wholeness and fullness of who you are? Come to the wholeness and fullness of who you are, and for global listeners as well as listeners who don't look like us.
Alethea Felton:It is a fact, it is just the absolute fact from research that shows that the Black male experience in the US is so different from any other experience and that Black men, historically and systemically, have carried so many burdens on themselves and they have to show up differently even in the world to navigate. And so I commend you for actually making time for yourself to really get to even the place and space you are now and knowing you're still working on it, and you had shared with me, when we met, about the fact that there was a point when you wanted to actually work in early childhood education but you were actually told that you know nobody wanted a Black man working with babies. You know nobody wanted a Black man working with babies. So how did even that experience shape your perspective on representation? And then how have you used those experiences as a catalyst to challenge and transform stereotypes?
Alphonso Mayo:Oh man, thank you for that question. I think you know I didn't even understand how it impacted me when I was going through the phases of like hey, you know I wantcares or early child care centers, and them telling me, like hey, no one's going to send their child to a heterosexual black man. Prior to that experience, I was the only male in my early childhood class, so I knew that I was a minority and I had only seen two fathers drop their kids off in a matter of three years, so I knew that we weren't prevalent or even, you know, relevant to some degree. But when someone tells you that no one is willing to trust you, no one is willing. It was like a dream killer, you know, honestly. And then they were telling me that there will be, you know, legal proceedings. People will sue me if I did it, and you know I remember being a kid wanting to, you know, grow up and play in the NFL and then having multiple teachers tell me that wasn't realistic. You know, like, think of something else or a backup plan. Well, here's my A plan, you know, to get into early childhood education and I'm being told by those who are doing it that no one's gonna support me and it and it.
Alphonso Mayo:It was life altering. But again, I genuinely believe that everything worked for the good of God, because I still love little kids and working with little kids. I love being a father, I love going to my son elementary school and watching the kids get off the bus and talking to them like that's just naturally who I am. But you know, when it shifted my focus because it did I didn't have a lot of mentors to be like. Don't listen to them. They're just telling you something that they don't see doesn't mean it's not possible. You know, nothing is possible until someone does it Right. And but it just, it just told me that we're not, we're not valued in that space we're not is we're not seen as contributors in that space.
Alphonso Mayo:But then when I look at how people talk about absent fathers, or you know what happens when a father is not present I'm like, well, here's why. Because we're not welcome. You know, I'm welcome every sports arena. If I wanted to coach an all-girls basketball team, no one would have a problem with that no matter what their age was.
Alphonso Mayo:But the moment I say, hey, I want to pick up a kid, I want to read to a kid, I want to change a diaper, I want to feed a kid, it's really off-putting. And then, not to mention, it's not seen as masculine. It's really off-putting. And then, not to mention, it's not seen as masculine, it's actually seen as a feminine feel. And so it was heartbreaking.
Alphonso Mayo:But it led me into working with nine and 12-year-olds and I seen that there was still a gap, because those nine and 12-year-olds was growing up fatherless and I felt a sense of resistance and I couldn't understand why it was a resistance. But as I started to progress throughout my career, I realized if a male is absent from birth through five years old, you don't get a maybe a male teacher until you're in 10th grade. The moment you meet me, I'm, I'm new, new, I'm like a foreign object. Yeah, who am I to come into your life and tell you how to operate, when your mom and your grandma and your aunties and your sisters they've been doing it all along, so you've been fine without me, you don't know how to embrace this masculine affection that I'm going to give you.
Alphonso Mayo:You don't know how to embrace the love, so you resist it. And now you don't even see me as something to become. You see me as something stopping you from doing whatever it is you want to do and so yeah, I was like you know, but it's because we're missing for so long and we're missing for so long.
Alphonso Mayo:And so I do believe that having one active fathers, having active males you know all, not just black males, but all males play a crucial role in those early childhood development phases, because representation matter. You need to see like we nurture differently. God designed us differently for a reason to give us a healthy balance. And most kids just kind of grow up with one normality, which is why I say never get comfortable with that, because that's not the only way you know, and so. But it has helped inform, like the way that I do the work now, because I learned that you know behaviors, all behaviors can be changed, just like you were sharing earlier, like there's not a bad one person, they're not that way the entirety of their life. Behaviors can be changed based upon, you know, certain stimulus, certain environments, and so for me it's like, well, how do we change our young people environment, how do we give them certain stimulus, how do we give them certain rewards? How do we? So I bring all of that into the work that I do today to see behaviors change. And then I also realize that, just like an infant, I'm not expecting an infant to walk and talk. That stuff is a developmental phase.
Alphonso Mayo:So now that we work with middle schoolers and high schoolers, everything is seen as a developmental phase. Where are they at in their development? Development, I will say, when it comes to like black and brown boys, no one's really willing to give them. What I consider like the benefit of that adult is like well, he should know better. He's 11, he's been on this earth 11 years. Many of us got clothes older than this kid, but the moment, but the moment he make a mistake, we, we put a label on him and then that label follows him throughout his life or his trajectory and we just, it's like we expect adult-like mentality from them when in reality a lot of young people are not. Even when you go to colleges, they're not developed fully and where they need to be mentally. So I just try to look at young people in these developmental stages, understanding that as they get older and closer to adulthood, there's a lot more resistance than when they're younger, and so what are you hearing from the?
Alethea Felton:so I hadn't considered this before, but I think you bring up such powerful points. But since you still actively work with youth, these young kids, what are you hearing? I'm trying to figure out how to word this question right, how to word this question right. What I'm trying to get at is what are you hearing them say that they need the most, or that they are seeking out the most.
Alphonso Mayo:That's so good. Well, number one I think a lot of times what I've seen in the space is adults are telling kids what they should do or what they should become and how they should become it. Ok, they really want the space to be as creative like. They want to try a multitude of things. They want to feel like I can take the world by storm, like there is no limit to my capacity, like there is no limit to my capacity.
Alphonso Mayo:But adults will say, well, you need to think about this, this, this, and A, b, c, d and E, where I'm saying, as a kid, that's the perfect time to mess up. Why? Because your parents are taking care of the bills. You don't got to worry about life. They have life worried about for you. So go ahead and try. If you want to cut hair, cut hair. You want to make clothes, make clothes. If you want to play music, play music. If you want to sing, sing. If you want to start a pocket, do all of that now. Understand that it's time consuming, but at least attempt. And they really just want the ability to freely express themselves, which is why TikTok is so relevant, which is why Instagram, like that's really just self-expression Instagram like that's really just self-expression.
Alphonso Mayo:Now how it's embraced is a whole nother thing. You know, because people are always comparing things to their generation. Well, in my generation we didn't do this, and respectfully you didn't but you also didn't do what the generation before you did or the generation before that you know like. So this generation has their own sense of you know, personality and direction. If you want to work well with them, then you embrace it, like OK, I don't necessarily like the cruddies, but, man, if that's how you want to wear it, man, I want you to wear it well. You know, just get it shaped up. You know, get it like look presentable. I'm not going to tell you not to do it, because who am I to tell you that getting the buzz cut is the thing to do, right?
Alphonso Mayo:Even with regards to professionalism, I'm seeing that their sense of style sometimes is a little more. It's like free. They want to show different body parts, et cetera. So, as an adult, it's like hey, I still want you to express yourself. But understand the pros and cons If you walk in there like this. These are the pros and cons If you walk in there like this, just a little more covered up. You just got to help them strategize how free they can be, but don't place limitations on them. And so when they come-.
Alethea Felton:But that's the key, though, mayo, is that you're actually educating them. See, this is the issue I have is that I hear so many people say, oh, these kids now are this way and that way. I share it with you. I don't have children, but I've worked with kids for many, many years, right, so I can freely say to those same people who have argued oh my goodness, these kids are so terrible, you're the one raising them.
Alethea Felton:So, at the end of the day, some people are getting angry at kids, and they have kids in that age group and they're the ones raising them. So I commend you because you're at least educating them and giving them options about. Well, think about this. I'm not saying that you can't be you, but consider this. And I find that there are several people out there, not all, because I don't want parents coming at me Please don't, because this is not what I'm saying. Kudos to y'all, but what I'm trying to say is I hear so much criticism and I'm sitting here like it's glaring that, but these are who you're raising, so show them alternatives while still letting them be themselves.
Alphonso Mayo:Yeah, I hear that and I think what happens is that if you're raising someone, there's this unannounced expectation that they should know. Oh, yeah, it's like, well, you should know, you should know, you should know, you should know better.
Alethea Felton:Right.
Alphonso Mayo:Like you're 15. You should know, you know, like, why would you think otherwise? Know you know, like, why would you think otherwise? Right, you know you go to the school. You should know it's like these unspoken norms that you know. Kids don't know unless you talk to them and ask them like, do you know? I'll give you an example.
Alphonso Mayo:Like my youngest daughter, she's um, she's very expressive, she's very. She come to me with ideas all the time. You know, I want to cut hair, I want to start this business. And I always say, well, sweetheart, you just started it. And she'll say what you mean, how, like, because every business start with an idea. Yeah, you know now what's next.
Alphonso Mayo:And she might dress a certain way. But then I and instead of me being angry or whatever the case may be, I might say, well, how do you want people to perceive you? And she'd be like what you mean? I'm like all right, like if, if, if you're showing your shoulders like how do you want? Like, what, the what do you want other people to see? Like, see you as, and? Or I'll ask a question would that be okay if your mom dressed like that? I might say something like that so she can see like hold up, wait a minute. No, of course, I don't want my mom dressed like this. So then she might say, well, why am I dressing like this, you know? And so it's like we got to give them an opportunity to one learn from their mistakes yeah like we've learned from our mistakes.
Alphonso Mayo:Stop judging them because of the mistakes. Because if we judged us like, if we really wrote down all the mistakes we may, we wouldn't even be on this podcast. Yeah, so it's like, um, it's like like let's not blame, let's just embrace and say, okay, here's the pros, here's the cons, you're gonna make the decision that you choose. Right, I want you to just make well-informed decisions. I don't want you to go out here unknowingly, dressing a certain way, not knowing like people are judging you or people. This can happen. No, make a well-informed choice. And as long as we're teaching them to make well-informed choices and they're doing the best that they can, then we praise that. We praise that. As long as they're not out here trying to hurt people, you know we praise that.
Alphonso Mayo:And I think sometimes, even like what you said, like you're educating people wouldn't consider that education because it's not formal. You know it's like it's not in the classroom. You know it's not it's not in all of the books, but I'm like but if you look at how we live, you know, in general, everything that's in a book is not always applied to, you know, real life. So it's like, no doubt, yeah, and so I think about that all the time, but I really do that. I believe that, in my opinion, this is the most creative generation. Um, I don't want to say that, no, no disrespect to anyone else, but I've seen them revive careers. I've seen them bring up, like you know, do these social media platforms.
Alphonso Mayo:No one would even be listening to certain people or know of certain people, but they find a unique way, a unique skit, a unique dance, a unique theme, a unique it's like what in the world? Like I'm like dang man, like you guys are creative, now let's use that to be innovative as well. Like how are we going to use this to? Like help you know the masses of people, you know, because they really and they do it so flawlessly. You know, everybody is a choreographer, now a videographer a photographer?
Alethea Felton:They are, yeah. You know they really think so. Outside of the box, just not outside of the box, just not outside of the box. They pierce past the galaxy. I mean, it's just unbelievable and I actually agree with you on that is that they are super creative.
Alphonso Mayo:They really are, yeah, and so let's not limit it, you know, to a standardized test Like that's not, that's not all there is. I never did well on those?
Alethea Felton:Yeah, I never did well on those and, and I actually made honor roll. But I never did well on standardized testing. I really didn't, and so even when I took SAT years ago, I score low on them. It didn't mean I didn't have the actual intellect, but I got into college based on my transcripts, based on recommendations. I didn't make the cuts and a lot of people don't even realize that but I didn't make the actual cut score that was required for the school I went to. But I got in based on other stuff. But that's a whole other conversation. I could talk to you all day about this, but what I want to ask you is this is that, knowing that mentoring mentors is a part of your legacy and a part of your vision for the future, what is your ultimate dream, mayo, for that organization, and how do you see it shaping lives of the next generation of young leaders, not just in Baltimore but also beyond?
Alphonso Mayo:Yeah. So, honestly, my dream for this organization is to become more of a residential leadership school where we teach young people the skills of empathy those who come from broken communities, broken families or whatever you want to call something is broken, where it will be hard for them to empathize. I'm a firm believer that, um um, all leaders must serve, uh, and the way that we do that is by serving those who are just slightly younger than us, and that's, you know, a part of our model, the intergenerational Native peer model. We teach our young people to serve youth. It's like, hey, you're not too old to not tell them like, hey, you can do right or you can do better. We all know that young people look up to other young or slightly older young people. They follow them, they follow their trends, they it's just like a innate thing.
Alphonso Mayo:So what if we lived in my mind? I always ask well, what if we lived in a world where young people was looking at their younger peers and saying you know I messed up here and I know you can do better because I'm walking with you. You know I messed up here and I know you can do better because I'm walking with you? I shared at a university some years ago that when I was little and again, my family didn't make much money, so when it was snow I would go out and shovel. And when my little cousins became of age, I bought them shovels and as I was walking in the snow I would always tell them hey, instead of walking through the snow, because you're going to get tired and hurt your legs following my footsteps, Right, I will go first and then you step in and it's easier for you and they would do it, and we would go out and you know shovel 10 or 15, you know people, driveways and make some money and I that's the same, that's the same model is, you know is just stepping in footsteps.
Alphonso Mayo:You used to be that middle schooler who people labeled or gave up on and you made it through, but how? I mean? I had a support group and what did that do? They taught me how to regulate my emotions and they took me to events and they celebrated me If I went up 0.5, they celebrated that. Now you go, do the same thing for that other young person and then you just keep doing that. I believe that the generation of young people that learn how to serve will be the generation of young people that change this world a lot of times the leaders, um, sometimes can feel like man.
Alphonso Mayo:I'm serving a multitude of people who I'm not sure if they even care, and it feels like all of it's on me. I also love the African proverb where many hands made light work. So the more young people that you got serving young people, it becomes easy. It becomes easy to say hey, man, we're going to do our work today. We're going to show up to school like this today, man, we're going to pray in the hall together. Today, we're going to embrace each other. You're going to embrace each other. You're going to do a tough time. I'll sit right here, you know, and I and I love the fact that it show up in like my, my sons even do it like in their mind, every kid that's been in this program and their family, you know, they ask about them, they, and when they come around, they sit with them, they check on them and I'm like what if we had schools like that? That that's true leadership, you know where. It's not about me, it's about we. It's really about us helping one another, and I think that is possible.
Alphonso Mayo:And the reason I say residential is because majority of the students that we serve they do.
Alphonso Mayo:They come from very challenging circumstances, similar to myself yourself.
Alphonso Mayo:An environment matters, man, like you know, I can give you a handful of seeds and if you, you plant them in some sand, I don't, I don't know what the potential of them growing will be, but if you plant them in the right soil, but the potential become endless, right, and for me, I'm like we want you to go beyond your potential, like your potential is great, but god doesn't place boundaries around your potential, no, so we want to get, we want to help you come to an environment where it's like I'm here every day. You know students are going to school six, seven hours. That's the biggest influence. So what if we had you six, seven hours in school and then we had you, you know, the rest of the day in sports and leadership programs and afterschool programs, right? And all of this is to really develop them and give their families a space and opportunity to develop themselves as well, like a two generational approach. I know that our students, that they was that old saying Apple don't fall too far from the tree, right?
Alphonso Mayo:Yeah that's true. So we can be helping a kid and as soon as that kid go home, it can be a race like that. Because if mama like that, because if mama not well, if daddy not well, grandma not well, well, what if mama was going to go obtain her education? What if she was getting mental health treatment or therapy? What if she was, you know, chasing after her goals and dreams? It makes it that much better to be, you know, because it feels good, it's like man. All of us are thriving, you know, and for many leaders like myself, it really does hurt to be like, to look at your family and be like man, like, am I that just the one God Like? Is that not possible for all of us? Can we all not live our dreams? And so for us, that's the way that you break generational cycles.
Alethea Felton:And so that's what I would be doing. And if somebody wanted to support your mentoring program or learn more about it, how can they go about doing that? And speak briefly on your book and tell us how we can go about even getting that.
Alphonso Mayo:Oh yeah. So the book is called the Promise, and so a little bit about the Promise was I was the first person in my family to go off to college and also the first person to fail or come back. Is what I say. I was a young father and I didn't want to be, you know, absent father. My grandmother, unfortunately, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and she forgot everything else Her address, names but her last words to me was like L, when are you going to go back to school? She never forgot that. I said I promise I'll go back to school. And my last words was like ma, I promise. And so I wrote this book. Hopefully you can see it. Here we go.
Alphonso Mayo:Called the promise is, you know, a life memoir, but really it's like a spiritual, motivational book how God has helped transform me through all of these phases and stages. And you can find a book on really all of the publisher's sites. But I encourage people to go to our publisher, cherry Brothers Publishing, and, you know, get the book off of their site. In my mind I'm reading it myself Like I wrote it, I edited it and had it, but even when I read it, I read it from the lens. If this wasn't me, and I'll be like man.
Alphonso Mayo:It's a good book, so I think it's. It'll inspire you to really go after your dream and go beyond your potential. So that's number one. And it also give you good insight to why I do the work that I do. Um, and it also give you good insight to why I do the work that I do Like. This is not, you know, um. Like somebody didn't appoint me, um, I was anointed to do this, you know, and um, and so the ultimate appointer appointed the social media platforms. You can type in our, you can Google our name, or you can just type in wwwmentoring-mentorsorg. The name speaks for itself.
Alphonso Mayo:Like we are really raising young leaders to lead young upcoming leaders. That's just what we do and you know you can also go to our giving page. I will say that we are in a season of planning and what that means is we are evaluating all of our work over the last 10 years, you know, and what we realize is that we've done some really great things, but we would like to serve at a larger capacity. We are what I consider a deep and narrow. I mean we don't. We're not the boys club, girls club, we're not the wise around the country.
Alphonso Mayo:No, like we're going to be all up in our student business, like our goal is to really transform the trajectories of their lives, to really help them become the leaders they deserve to be, to really be able to explore the world they, they, they desire to explore, to have options. And you know, and, and we do it well, and so, you know, for those who want to engage in that, you know, please feel free. Like you know, I'll give you all of my contact information and, yeah, you know you connect with me. But right now we're in this phases where we're looking for researchers because we know that longitudinal, long-term programs work better. They're not a band-aid, that's not what we do, like overcoming generational curses. You can't just play football and think it's going to work overcoming anger overcoming depression, overcoming coming from a fatherless home or a motherless home.
Alphonso Mayo:No, that's just not how it works. And so we in it for the long haul, and we really do believe that we're all interconnected. You know, for those who might live on the outskirts of an urban community, you might not feel it, but understand that we're all interconnected. You don't know where a person will be or what a person is thinking, but if a person can see the God in you and they understand that we are neighbors and I love you and I want you to grow and you want me to grow, then we all are in a better environment, we all are in a better world. And until we see that world, I'm going to keep doing the work that I'm doing. Uh, and I know I need help. We need grant writers, we definitely need funding, for sure. Um, so this, you know, the capacity that we've been able to work thus far has all been just God.
Alethea Felton:Wow.
Alphonso Mayo:But now it's like, as we go into this next season and we're thinking about expanding and we're looking at what does a leadership school look like? That all take financial resources and it all take, you know, people willing to say like, ok, I see that I want to be a part of it for the long term. You know, I want to be able to see them bring these babies in and I want to see the outcomes. And if you go look at our pages, especially our Instagram, and see the outcomes, you'll see all of our students are over 3.0 students. They didn't start that way. You'll see we have zero incarcerations for every young person that completed our program.
Alethea Felton:That's amazing Graduation rate.
Alphonso Mayo:That's 83 percent. You know graduation rate Like that's not by chance. It's by God and so super, super grateful for that.
Alethea Felton:Wow, that is absolutely incredible with those stats and I believe it. As long as people give our youth a chance just give them a chance, and kids know who are really for them, they know who's faking it, they know who's real, and as long as they know somebody genuinely cares about them, that's what matters. As a closing question, mayo briefly share with us what is the biggest lesson that you've learned about yourself In your times in being a mentor to so many youth? What have you learned most about yourself?
Alphonso Mayo:The greatest lesson that God has taught me, and so I reflect a lot. I still walk a lot, but during one walk I was very discouraged. I wanted to quit so many times, but I was very discouraged because we give of every resource. I opened up my home, my family, everything. And I was discouraged because there's one particular young man it was like it wasn wasn't working. He was being influenced by the culture and I'm like man, god, I'm not gonna keep doing this like the culture is winning too much. And my kids feel discouraged because they're opposed of the culture. So they feel like I have to at least do something for people to like me and everything in my spirit.
Alphonso Mayo:God was like you know, I called you to plant the seed, not grow it. It's not your job to grow it, that's my job. You don't control the sun, the rain, the days, and essentially what God was saying is that you your part to the best of your ability and leave the rest up to me. And then, secondly, understand you're not called to do this work alone. This is not a male show, this is not. You know you can. And so somebody said to me in a news interview like you know, you save people and back then I was like, yeah, I do. And God was like, no, you don't, they've already been saved. You can read the word They've already been saved. You inspire young people. So go out and inspire young people. Go out and inspire people, that's what you do. So the greatest lesson is I'm just here to plant the seeds. I have no control on how they grow, can't do this work alone, and I don't save people, I just inspire.
Alethea Felton:And keep doing just that. You are doing absolutely phenomenal work. I'm so glad that we were able to connect. We will definitely keep in touch and thank you so much for being such a valued guest here on the Power Transformation Podcast. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Power Transformation Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe, leave a five-star rating and write a review. It helps us inspire even more listeners. And don't keep it to yourself. Share it with someone who could use a little power in their transformation. Until next time, keep bouncing back, keep rising and be good to yourself and to others.
