The Power Transformation Podcast
The Power Transformation Podcast hosted by Alethea Felton, celebrates the resilience, determination, and hope of entrepreneurs, thought leaders, and visionaries who have conquered adversity and various challenges to create meaningful lives.
With her own inspiring journey of living with autoimmune disease since birth (and now thriving), overcoming severe stuttering, and more, Alethea's authenticity adds depth to intimate conversations with her guests who have overcome extraordinary obstacles.
Alethea's heart-centered, introspective, and engaging style elevates this podcast into a movement that inspires listeners to embrace their inner strength, cultivate empowerment, and rise wiser, stronger, and more courageous to achieve their next level of success.
The Power Transformation Podcast
102. How to Turn Trauma into Triumph: A Healing Journey with Kimberly Spencer
What if the stories we tell ourselves hold the keys to unlocking our transformation? Join TEDx speaker, best-selling author, Founder of Crown Yourself®, and CEO of Communication Queens Agency, Kimberly Spencer, as she:
- Shares her powerful journey of healing from childhood abuse and coping with drug addiction in her family,
- Describes how she navigates life as a wife, mother, and entrepreneur,
- Shows how vulnerability and strategic positioning can fuel both personal and professional breakthroughs, and more...
This significant and inspiring conversation is sure to help you rewrite your personal story which can unlock the door to resilience, healing, and lasting success.
Connect with Kimberly:
Episode 102's Affirmation:
My voice and story are valuable, and they help me build meaningful connections to achieve my goals.
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Hey y'all, welcome back to another episode of the Power Transformation podcast. I am your host, lethea Felton, and today's guest, kimberly Spencer. Oh, my goodness you all. She is absolutely amazing and I'm going to jump right into this interview of Kimberly.
Alethea Felton:But I want to make an announcement up front about Kimberly. When I interviewed her, her book was not yet published, but now it is and I need you to write down this title Make Every Podcast Want you. Make Every Podcast Want you. Yes, that is the title of her number one best seller, and Kimberly is so much more than just a best-selling author, but she is a game changer. She is a renowned TEDx speaker, but she is a game changer. She is a renowned TEDx speaker, entrepreneur, founder of various companies, including Communication Queens Agency, which is a marketing agency that pairs business owners with podcasts, and there's so much more that we're going to get into, but I wanted to put that up front, to make that announcement that Kimberly's book is out and you want to get it today, not tomorrow, not next week, today. So Kimberly certainly has a transformative story that is going to be valuable and meaningful and I want to thank you for tuning in to this podcast today and go ahead and follow, as well as share this episode with at least five people that you know. Share this with five people that you know.
Alethea Felton:And Kimberly herself is a podcaster. She has a top 2% podcast that's called the Crown Yourself Podcast that I want all of you also to support. Let's go ahead and start with our affirmation. I'll say it once and then you repeat it my voice and story are valuable and they help me build meaningful connections to achieve my goals. I am thrilled today to have Kimberly Spencer here and, as you heard from the introduction, kimberly is just a superwoman that's what I like to call her but she has the greatest personality. She is so insightful and this is sure to be more than just a Q and A, but we are going to really learn so much about transformation, empowerment and so much more from Kimberly. So, kimberly, welcome to the Power Transformation Podcast.
Kimberly Spencer:Thank you so much for having me on Alethea. I am so honored to be here with such a beautiful soul. Every time I see you, you are always so. On, alethea, I am so honored to be here with such a beautiful soul. Every time I see you, you are always so colorful, so I wear my bright, sparkly colors just for you.
Alethea Felton:Thank you. Yes, indeed, I have my little pop of pink fuchsia here today, so I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. So, kimberly, I want us to just dive deeply into this interview already, and let's go ahead and start with something fun and lighthearted, so that we can get to know you a bit better. So, kimberly, here is the question to get us started. As a kid, what was your favorite childhood cereal?
Kimberly Spencer:That's a tough one, because I wasn't allowed to eat cereal. You weren't really. No, no, my mom was like a total health nut, like total health junkie Like, but back in the eight, like eighties, early nineties, like healthy cereal tasted like crap and it was like you know, you had the health food pop tarts that were just like tar Okay.
Alethea Felton:So look, I have a wild card question then. Okay, okay, okay, yes or no? Did you like going to the mall growing up?
Kimberly Spencer:Loved going to the mall.
Alethea Felton:Okay. So tell us okay, perfect, no problem at all. So tell us what was one of your favorite stores you used to like to frequent in the mall.
Kimberly Spencer:Oh, I mean I loved. I mean I love Claire's is where I got my ears pierced for the first time. And then I love this store called Contempo Cause it felt so, um it it was. It was an older store, like even my mom had shopped there back in like the 60s and I think it went out of business now. But like, it had like very funky, like more mature clothes. I've always like when I was 12, I've always acted older, like I always knew that when I was a kid I was like when I hit my 30s I'll actually feel my age. Wow, it has become true. Like I, just I like I. When I was 17 or 16, I got chosen to be a part of this like screenwriters workshop where I got mentorship and I would go in and the screenwriters were like, oh, are you a professional? Like cause, I would be dressed in like my little Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress and like, and they were like you're like 32, right, and I was like I'm 16. Total tail bait.
Alethea Felton:Wow, contempo Now I've never heard of that. I grew up on the East Coast in southeastern Virginia and that's one store I don't know about, so I'm going to have to Google that to see what Contempo was all about. But I brought up the mall because the mall was all the rave back in the day, like everybody went to the mall. It was just the hangout spot and malls are slowly fizzling away, but it's still nice to talk about them. So thank you for that, but always have a wild card just in case. But anyway, kimberly, in getting into the heart and the crux of who you are, kimberly, who is Kimberly Spencer?
Kimberly Spencer:I mean I could define myself by my roles, like mom of two, you know, business owner, ceo entrepreneur, coach. Like you know, former screenwriter, former e-commerce business owner. Like. I've had a lot of different roles but underneath the through line of my roles and all the various career shifts that I've had has been that I'm a storyteller and I've always been in the business of transforming people's stories, whether it was teaching Pilates and transforming what was possible for a woman's body postpartum.
Kimberly Spencer:I'm a storyteller and I've always been in the business of transforming people's stories, whether it was teaching Pilates and transforming what was possible for a woman's body postpartum, or transforming people's stories with their backstretching device, or using and leveraging a freestyle motocross movie that I never thought would save lives. To this day I know has saved three lives just because of the level of storytelling that it had about. You know the dark path that drugs, alcohol and rock and roll lead to and that's all. And whether you know coaching. And now, you know, with our podcast guesting agency, we are putting people's stories out into the world to help more people's stories be transformed, because that's how we, that's how we learn, that's how we evolve, that's how we've evolved since the beginning of time has been through stories.
Alethea Felton:So when we hear you say transforming stories, what does that look like?
Kimberly Spencer:Well for my story. Initially it started out because I grew up with a very highly codependent mother and a alcoholic addict for a father, and my dad was a very highly functioning addict. So I watched them over the course of 30 years build a very successful multimillion dollar business over the course of 30 years. But in the initial stages my mom was pushing me around in the stroller growing up, passing out flyers. But the problem is is when you grow up in a stroller, growing up passing out flyers, but the problem is when you grow up in a home with an addict, there were many, many instances of different forms of abuse that happened behind closed doors. So people who knew my dad never would have thought he would have done some of the things that he did, even some of the closest family members. They didn't know until recently until I started sharing part of our story, which I told him like he wanted us to share. He wanted me to share our story later on, once after I had staged his intervention in 2016. And I said, dad, there are certain things, like just sexual abuse, that I won't share until after you've passed, simply because I know how people will perceive it and I know who you are now and how you've transformed. And my dad? Up until the time that he passed, he stayed sober, off of alcohol. That was one of his proudest things and I knew that the version of my dad had died. Who did that to me when he got sober? Because the alcohol.
Kimberly Spencer:I grew up with four dads. I grew up with the alcoholic dad, the stoner dad, the opioid addicted dad and then the cool sober dad, and each one had their own personalities. The alcoholic one was the most dangerous and when he quit alcohol in 2016 and was fully sober and also wanted me to start sharing my story, I said I will do that after you've passed, because I think that that's. I just wanted to honor who he was and who he had transformed himself to be Like. He's my, he's the greatest story that you can actually transform your life at 70 years old.
Kimberly Spencer:So that was but growing up through that like, because of those experiences, I thought that I was broken, damaged and a victim of those experiences.
Kimberly Spencer:I thought that I was broken, damaged and a victim, and it took years, like decades, for me to see my wholeness, to heal from the abuse at my own hand. I started being bulimic when I was very, very young, 11 years old, and then that lasted until my early 20s and that was my way of coping, my way of control and also my way of modeling addiction in my own way. And it was through healing that, with no psychological or medical intervention, that I realized my own power, that I realized the power of our own thoughts and the power of our own stories and how the stories that we typically tell ourselves are not true and are completely made up. So the story that I was broken, damaged and a victim, totally made up Wow, totally in my head. Because at my heart and soul, at who I am, at my core, I'm whole, I'm perfect, I am holy, I am a beautiful being in this lovely little meat sack beautiful being in this lovely little meat sack and Kimberly that is loaded.
Alethea Felton:I mean so much that you have experienced has led you to being who you are now and, more specifically, let's talk about this breakthrough. So when was that pivotal moment, kimberly, when changing your internal narrative actually led to a significant breakthrough in your life?
Kimberly Spencer:It actually started with changing my environment. So when I was 19 years old, I dropped out of college two weeks before I was supposed to start, with two college scholarships, and because my parents were entrepreneurial, they saw how entrepreneurial I was for the entertainment industry and I got a side job, a bridge job, as a Pilates instructor. And it was once I saved up enough to move out of my family's home. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Like I saved up, I got my own place. Changing your environment, changing who you surround yourself with on a daily basis, has radical transformation possibilities. And that doesn't necessarily just have to mean you have to move, because sometimes that's not an option at the moment. But that change of environment it wasn't just moving out and moving on my own, but it was also moving into where I was pursuing my dream, as you know, in Hollywood at that time, and writing movies. And I got my first opportunity to, you know, write a feature film, and I was simultaneously teaching Pilates, where I was around for 10 hours a day teaching and hearing new people's stories. And our brains are wired to survive. They're not wired to thrive, and so when you expose yourself to other people's stories, like what you're doing on this podcast, alethea. That's why I love going on podcasts and getting other people on podcasts, because I like to think of it as kind of like the Pilates studio for your ears You're just working out your brain.
Kimberly Spencer:And because I was exposing myself to 10 new stories a day.
Kimberly Spencer:Because I was exposing myself to 10 new stories a day, five days a week, sometimes, with an extra six hours on the weekend, that was automatically allowing me to see different belief systems where I was like, oh wait, maybe this belief system that I'm not going to be successful because of my background or my childhood or certain things that I experienced, maybe this belief system isn't actually true. Maybe this belief system that I'm going to end up having the same relationship with my partner isn't actually true. And I started to see these belief systems of different people just by having conversation and the power of healing in relationship. No one really heals in a silo. And so it was through experiencing other people's stories, through also changing my environment, that I then started to question my own story. I started to question like, wow, I'm going into this binge and purge cycle. What triggered that? What was the initial emotion that triggered that? And within two years I had completely healed from an eating disorder that had plagued my life for eight years prior, and it only took two years.
Alethea Felton:And earlier you even mentioned something that's quite extraordinary is that you said that you did it without a psychological or medical intervention. What gave you that willpower to say regardless, I'm going to change my story.
Kimberly Spencer:Well, I think, on the one hand, like I think, psychological and medical intervention does have its place For me, I didn't grow up in a, in a family that really supported that, and so I didn't see that as a resource.
Kimberly Spencer:So I looked to alternative methods. I looked to somatic methods to be able to start working through the body. I didn't know that by teaching Pilates I was actually healing my nervous system. I was actually teaching my body to then regulate from that heightened sympathetic state that you have when you're living with an addict. You're always on that fight, flight, freeze. Who's coming through the door? How do I need to adapt my behavior? Because you're expecting the worst and so you're preparing for safety. So I was on high alert constantly.
Kimberly Spencer:But when I started teaching Pilates I was retraining my nervous system to have oscillation and our bodies are naturally meant to have oscillation between sympathetic, because sympathetic is great. You're going for a goal, you want to kick a ball into the goal, shoot a basket. You need your sympathetic nervous system because it's getting you revved up. But you also want to be able to decelerate and I was not good at decelerate. I would freeze, I would get feisty, but those spaces I wasn't able to successfully decelerate. Pilates and somatics really helped me to do that. I didn't know it was helping me to do it at that time, but I was starting to have more regulation and that's because my nervous system, biologically, was getting more regulated, I was able to start questioning my thoughts. When you're in a heightened sympathetic state, you aren't able to question your thoughts. Your brain is literally hijacked, your amygdala is hijacked to think only of safety.
Alethea Felton:So when I could regulate, like I do believe in working from the physiology as well as the mental realm, and so both are necessary, because if you're constantly trying to like, fight your way through the thoughts, but your nervous system is like on high alert, you're fighting against yourself, you're swimming upstream just the fact you were able to recognize that at such a younger age, especially with the fact that you experienced a lot of this trauma through childhood and when you pursued your goals in Hollywood and whatnot, you made up in your mind that you were determined to go from that state of survival into a shifting, into doing your best to thrive, and for you to have been so young along the way while you did certain things that were more naturally based. Tell us about any key people that you met who helped to pour into your cup so as to speak, and got you to also shift the trajectory and the plan for your life.
Kimberly Spencer:I definitely would say my first support was that my craniosacral therapist, janine Brema. She's amazing and she was my support. She actually was the one who married my husband and I oh okay, oh wow, years later. But she really helped, because with cranial sacral therapy what you're doing is basically you're reprogramming the tissue of the body Because if you've had any sort of like physical abuse but that's your subconscious mind runs your body.
Alethea Felton:Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer:And so sometimes, even if you kind of heal subconsciously and you, you bring these things to light and these old memories and you start to work through them and you understand why and you see how they happen for you, not to you they still are stuck in the body. And so what cranial sacral therapy really helped to do was to unravel and remove that from my body and I fell in love with this modality as my first modality of healing and support. When I got badly burned, like physically, I went to the movies and like a genius, I decided to bring a big bowl of pho. Oh Right, yeah, not the smartest idea. This was like McDonald's lawsuit, worthy scalding hot.
Kimberly Spencer:And I was pouring the noodles in watching this movie. It was like a documentary on earth or something, and suddenly, like it spills out, splatters all over my legs and I'm like this is a serious burn. The paramedics had to come, they had to cut the pants, like off my leg. Well, simultaneously here's the interesting part I didn't realize that my first love, first of many things, first boyfriend, was there at that same movie theater with the one that he was cheating on me with and so burned metaphorically, burned physically and there was this dance and this was one of the moments that I realized like a superpower. Basically, one of my superpowers is like this heightened intuition of like something's off and I knew that. The physical like when I, when I discovered that later, I was like, oh my gosh, that's exactly why I burned my self.
Kimberly Spencer:Wow, oh, my goodness, but that, that experience. So then one of my clients in Pilates, she had fibromyalgia and she was going and getting regular cranial sacral therapy and she said I would have. And I came in like with bandages on my legs and I had gone see the dermatologist and he was like oh yeah, that's going to scar. And I was like that can't scar. It was like the size of two of my handprints and I said it can't scar, Like I have. Like I had like a modeling gig that was coming up and I was like I can't, I have to be in a bikini, that's not okay. And he was like, and so I said I'll do anything. And so my client recommended this and I said, whatever, I'll try it. And it was the first time because you have to go through an assessment. She asked, on the assessment, all of the things, and I was just in such a place of vulnerability I was like, all right, you want all the things? I'm going to lay out all the things of my past history.
Kimberly Spencer:It starts from like how you were born to like any abuse that you experienced. It was the first time I'd shared that with anyone and she was literally reading this. I remember her face at my kitchen table and she was like, oh, we got some work to do table. And she's like, oh, oh, we got some work to do. But in the first session I felt my leg reburning. I went back to the dermatologist two days later and he said what did you do? And I said what do you mean? And he said you're not going to scar. He said there's like no burn. He said what did you do? I said cranial sacral therapy. He goes, oh, okay, do? I said cranial sacral therapy? He goes, oh, okay. And I was like, all right, allopathic meets Eastern. But it was such an enlightening experience and so she really supported me for the first few years through a lot of the somatic work of working through my tissue. And then I started in 2016 after I was bought out of my e-commerce company Because after my film came out, I then got the opportunity to become president of an e-com company, did that for two years, went through a successful exit, but at the time I didn't see it as successful.
Kimberly Spencer:I felt like I had lost my business. I felt so brokenhearted. I was in such a place of blame and shame and comparison, feeling like a failure because I didn't see it as a positive. And that was when I was looking for coaching modalities and I found NLP. And it was when I found NLP, timeline therapy and hypnosis that again it was another one of those like aha, like this is a thing, this is something that it can definitely serve and help people.
Kimberly Spencer:And that was what was the catalyst for my coaching business. Because when I went through timeline therapy and experienced that and literally reprogrammed 14 generations of anger and, for the first time in my life, had the most amazing peace where I was like I no longer felt this, like not that. I was always like trigger happy I wasn't, but like you know how sometimes you would fall or have an experience and you're like it was a bigger reaction than I think was really necessary. But like, why was it so big? And what timeline therapy does is it basically takes the Jenga set of the gestalt of A negative emotions and you basically take that bottom block out and it topples the whole thing down.
Kimberly Spencer:So, then the next time you ever get angry because it doesn't mean that you'll never experience an emotion of anger or sadness or fear or grief but then you're not adding another block to the entire gestalt, You're just putting one block down and you can clear that out later, and so it was one of the most healing experiences going through that process and then that allowed me to really deeply serve my clients and coaching.
Alethea Felton:Yes, indeed, and the fact that, through your healing journey, all of this goes back to just deep introspection and self-reflection that you did on yourself, but also Kimberly. I noticed how you're cultivating such resilience along this journey, and so you've compared yourself, even when we've talk to each other offline, as a phoenix who has risen from the ashes. And so how do you, or how have you, kimberly, learned how to cultivate both grief and in resilience? So how do you cultivate resilience in the face of the adversity, the trauma, the grief you experienced, and when you're coaching your clients and just different aspects, specifically in getting them to share their story, what do you share with them about how to cultivate resilience in the midst of all of that?
Kimberly Spencer:I think it depends on what they're going through.
Kimberly Spencer:Based on you know, I'll share something different for a client who's having a struggle with a business partner than I will if they are, you know, going through healing their relationship with their child, that, from being a single mom and having to leave an abusive dad, there's going to be different stories that are shared. I think the biggest thing with resilience, though, is there is a belief, especially with high achievers, and especially with those who have gone through trauma and who put on a lot of armor and especially with those who have gone through trauma and who put on a lot of armor and there's a lot of armor, there's a lot of protection, because there is an identity of being strong, and God forbid anything hits you that makes you feel weak. So what can happen, though, is it prevents you from being vulnerable. It prevents you from truly opening your heart and loving and opening up fully, so one of the things that I see, that's the, the counterbalance of resilience.
Kimberly Spencer:Resilience is great so long as you continue to live open-heartedly, and that can be a hard counterbalance, because so often, when we armor ourselves and protect ourselves because we're so resilient and we live into this identity of being strong, that, unfortunately, it prevents us from actually recognizing our weaknesses, because that's not something we want to avoid, that we want to avoid anything that makes us feel weak or less than, or a victim or in any space where we are not in that identity of being strong.
Kimberly Spencer:And so what I look at with my clients is I'm looking at what is the story that they're telling themselves. What is the story around being weak, around being vulnerable, around being supported? Because, unfortunately, a lot of times, when you're in that identity of being strong and I've seen this with countless business owners when you're in that identity of being strong, you're not asking for support, because if you ask for support, that means you need help and if you need help, then that means you're weak and that can create a whole ripple effect that causes hyper control, hyper vigilance inside of the business, that prevents it from actually growing, because in order to grow, you actually need support and you actually need to reach out and you actually need to grow beyond the hyper independence and grow into interdependence need to grow beyond the hyper independence and grow into interdependence.
Alethea Felton:And so how, how specifically did you learn that? Was it through the different modalities you experienced, or did it look different according to what phase and stage you were in your life?
Kimberly Spencer:It definitely looked different according to the phase and stage, because I think where I was really cracked open was when I fast forward, my coaching business started taking off. We ended up being in Australia in March of 2020. My husband's appearing at a convention there with the cast of the Walking Dead because he's a voice actor, and so we go around and do those cons. They're super fun and as the global pandemic's breaking out, I figure the universe has a massive sense of humor because we're hanging out with the Walking Dead cast.
Alethea Felton:The irony of that. You're so right, right, you're right.
Kimberly Spencer:We literally land in the Gold Coast the day Tom Hanks announces that he has COVID.
Alethea Felton:And.
Kimberly Spencer:I'm looking at the Gold Coast and I'm looking at the exchange rate and I'm like this is nice. Everybody in that area was just like there wasn't this energy of fear.
Kimberly Spencer:It wasn't that people weren't being cautious and aware, but there wasn't this pervasive energy of fear. And I remember asking my husband like my husband was just joking with me one day he's like what if we stayed? And I was like, yeah, I love that. And he was like, wait, what? And we'd always wanted to live abroad and we'd always wanted to live in Australia specifically. And we figured, why not live into our dream than in the midst of a global pandemic? No better time. And so that's what we did. But simultaneously, we did that knowing that we wouldn't be able to come home, even for a funeral, and we were over there. And about nine months later, and about nine months later, my father has to go to the hospital and he passes away. And then I'm also pregnant with our second child and then simultaneously, within that year, I not only grow my business 150%, have a baby lose my father, lose my aunt, lose my grandma, lose my childhood friend and lose my father's best friend within one year.
Alethea Felton:Okay, pause, right there, kimberly, that's an awful lot, yeah. In the midst of these changes, how in the world is it that you're sitting here today telling us about it? But in that moment, take us to that moment when you were going through that, despite all of the prior healing you had experienced, kimberly, be real with us, because you have been so transparent in everything, but how in the world did you keep it together?
Kimberly Spencer:I didn't. I let myself fall apart and that was the best piece, because the phoenix rising from the ashes only becomes a phoenix when they completely crumble and get destroyed. My identity of who I had been and the thing that happens when you lose a parent and I've asked so many people and so many friends who have lost parents and especially when you lose somebody who you've had a complex relationship. My relationship with my father was very complex Toward the end of his life. I was so grateful to have my sober, awesome dad back, but I mean, there were years, decades of challenge and that experience of being able to also know that it was perfect timing, that it was in divine.
Kimberly Spencer:It was perfect timing Like it was, it was, it felt so meant to be, and like I had the simultaneous crumbling but, I, also felt my father's soul and spirit and who he was, beyond his own addiction, which stemmed from his own childhood abuse of every form and his own challenges that he'd had. And I had so much compassion for him in that moment because suddenly I realized, wow, that the times when my dad was at his worst as an alcoholic was right in between the times of losing both of his own parents both of which he had a very complex relationship with his family.
Kimberly Spencer:His mom kidnapped him from his dad for two years and sexually abused him, and so I'm like, well, no wonder he used the tool, because I do believe we're all using the resources, we're all doing the best that we know that we can with the resources that we have available. His only resource was alcohol to numb the pain, and I had so much compassion for him in being able to have that awareness because I was pregnant, so there wasn't any. I couldn't. I couldn't cope with anything. I couldn't have any like any substance or anything to to help numb anything. So I was very open and like this live wire and I allowed myself to be very transparent with my community, very transparent with my family and very open about grief and navigating through that process.
Kimberly Spencer:And then the challenges of also doing that abroad, 8,000 miles away from my family, and that experience really taught me of the consistency of the pattern of change of death and resurrection of how constantly, like just this past 75 days, like I've been on the 75 hard journey and back in May I had a very no, not May or April I had a very, very early miscarriage and it was I'm so like, I'm so grateful for that experience Like that little soul like ignited something within me that I needed to remember. It woke me up from from a transition because, after after coming back from Australia moving, we then moved again and like manifested our dream home, moved again and finally we're settled. And that's when grief really hit. Like 2023 was a hard year for me because suddenly I was no longer needed to be in motion for safety. I was actually planted in my home, like I had my mom with me. She's now our nanny for our kids, like she's the granny.
Alethea Felton:Oh, that's perfect.
Kimberly Spencer:It's perfect, my husband's here we had. Suddenly we got on the other side of like the pendulum swung from like terrible grief to a whole bunch of receiving and my body was not able to actually fully receive it because I was so stuck in the grief and in the guilt and the sadness and it wasn't until I started really unlock and that caused me to be stuck in some patterns that were just complacent. Quite frankly, in 2023. And I'm happy I saw that and, quite frankly, I got fat. I was like one day I woke up, I turned around I was like is that back fat?
Alethea Felton:What is?
Kimberly Spencer:that and then I found out that was pregnant, and then I had a very early miscarriage and I, and it was in that moment, with that little soul, that I was like, oh my God, thank you. Thank you for, again, the reminder of the consistency of change, of the death and rebirth cycle. And I knew that in that moment I had to rebirth who I was. I knew that who I was then was not the person who was going to achieve my goals and that that allowed me to come out of this like grief coma that I had been in for a year, because prior to that I was in like high achiever, go, go, go, the fight, the fight mode I had, that I was on, I was on pure sympathetic, and that allowed me to to have to recognize I'd done enough of the freeze, I've done enough of the resting and now it was time to come back into that place of balance and and um oscillation.
Kimberly Spencer:And the past 75 days have been extraordinary. We've got like. My company has doubled. We have been able to like I've. Now our book is done, it's coming out on September 30th. I have a children's book in the works as well and like, suddenly this, like re-ignition of creativity has come birth through and I'm so grateful because of that little soul. And like that's the thing is, when we look at these challenges, as you know, allowing us to have the emotion of grief, allowing us to have that emotion, the feelings in the moment, and then recognizing and this is the question I ask all my clients, and it sometimes makes them want to punch me in the face where I'm like how is this the best thing that ever happened to me? That's right.
Alethea Felton:Yeah, the best thing that ever happened to me. That's right. Yeah, true transformation, in my opinion, does happen when you've not only gone through something that you just don't think that you'll be able to get out of, but when you do and you learn so much from the process of it. It makes you stronger, because I've shared a little bit of my story, but that grief and chronic illness and heartbreak and everything else is just one big cocktail which has morphed into who I am today. And one thing that you said, kimberly, that I think is so pivotal is that you said that prior to your father's passing, you also felt compassion for him. And that leads me to the area of compassion and forgiveness, because someone could be watching or listening and say how in the world could this woman yeah, she talks, a good talk, but there's no way that she could feel compassion for an abuser. So, kimberly, in that same light, what did compassion and forgiveness of your father? How did it enhance your life and take you to where you are now?
Kimberly Spencer:I love this question, alethea, because I know the power like I have seen what my story has been able to do. I have literally like I'm going to take you back. I'm going to take you back to 2018. So, 2018, my dad is sober now for a year. He has had so many revelations. He went to the hospital one time, died and was brought back to life and had a total near-death experience.
Kimberly Spencer:And I went off to a Brendan Bouchard live event. I went off to a Brendan Bouchard live event and Lewis Howes had spoken. He spoke about his experience of sexual abuse and Brendan got up on stage and was like all right, now, everyone, I want you to gather into groups and share about your experience of what was the hardest thing you had to overcome. And so I'm there, my client's there with me, another friend of mine who I know is there and we all have very similar stories. And I see this guy out of the corner of my eye and I'm like he's looking over at me, and I'm looking over at him and I'm like come on into our group. And he's like, and I'm like I just feel this call, this call that he needs to be in our group. And so we gather in and we all start going around round robin and sharing our most challenging story.
Kimberly Spencer:I shared the story of my father sexually abusing me as a child and my client shared her story of emotional abuse and my friend who was also a coach shared his story of being sexually abused in the military. And then it got to this guy and I look at this guy and I can tell I'm like he is going to bullshit. I just knew he was going to tell some bullshit story and I'm looking at him and I just give the mom look. You know the mom look looking at him. And I just give the mom look, you know the mom look. And suddenly he looks down and his eyes and he starts to cry and he shares for the first time that when he was 12 years old he was raped and turns into a full breakthrough, full, absolute breakdown. And so me and the other coach, we take him out into the room and we just work with him in a coaching way, not going into the why, not going into the past, but going into, like some somatic things of like.
Kimberly Spencer:When you're having that full breakthrough, how to like, move the placement of your tongue so you can actually breathe and allow for the process, like, just allow for the somatics to move through, focus on you. Know what brought you here, what brought you to this moment. This is a huge breakthrough and we coached him through for about an hour and there was something so beautifully profound in that moment and I walk away and I just have this intuitive hit to call my dad and we're on a really good terms at this point and I call him and I said dad. I said I know you still feel shame and guilt for what you did. When I was a kid, I said but I think we just saved a life today and it wouldn't have been had you not done what you did. And now I personally believe in soul contracts and I think that my dad and I had an agreement before he came onto this planet Because in that space, what he did to me gave me superpowers to see things in other people and to extract things and to have that built-in bullshit meter and fast forward. My dad passes. It's 2021.
Kimberly Spencer:I'm still in contact with this gentleman from the conference and we're just on a Zoom and catching up and I'm like over the years I've watched his smile change on his Facebook picture and suddenly he's bright and illuminated and just beautiful the light. He was cracked open that day and he said, kim, he goes, you saved my life. And I said I said, oh well, thank you, I mean, and he goes, no, kim, I don't think you realize. Like I was planning my suicide for that night and I, he said, I prayed as I walked into that event if this doesn't work, give me a sign that there's more for me. And that was it. And had I not had the love for my father to forgive him, to see how that happened for me and not just to me, then I wouldn't have been able to save his life.
Alethea Felton:That's right.
Kimberly Spencer:And so when I think of forgiveness, I think in the space of look at, there are things that happen to you in your childhood especially, that are not your fault, but they are your responsibility to process them and it's your job as an adult and in the process of transformation, to see how everything that happened to you, you can alchemize and be for the greater good to serve humanity. And that is what I learned from my father and that's why I have so much compassion for him and that's why I forgave him.
Alethea Felton:That is another level that I understand, that I. I hear you completely. I truly do, and my hope is that someone listening or watching, who may not even be at that level yet, can at least hear what you said and at least have an idea or a thought of perhaps saying, hmm, if Kimberly could get to a point like that, saying, hmm, if Kimberly could get to a point like that, maybe I can too. And the fact that you help people share their stories through podcast guesting is absolutely incredible, because there are some people who don't think that they have a story to share. But I think, on the contrary, I think, yes, everybody has something valuable and insightful to share. But you're actually taking it now to even another level through a book that you're writing. Tell us a little bit about that book.
Kimberly Spencer:So the book is called Make Every Podcast. Want you how to Become so Radically Interesting, You'll Barely Keep from Interviewing Yourself.
Alethea Felton:I love that title. It's straightforward, I know what it is. I'll be picking up to read.
Kimberly Spencer:Yeah, so it's all about you know. Yes, we go into podcast strategy. Yes, we go into, like what podcast you want to pitch to? Yes, we go into, like how to we go? Definitely go over the 10 pitch commandments because I'm sure you like me, alethea, like having a podcast, like you get some bad pitches.
Alethea Felton:Yes, I'm going through approximately. I literally have right now and this is no exaggeration I have approximately 200 requests for people that want to be on my show and I am sifting through because, bless their hearts, but everybody isn't a good fit. Yes, yes.
Kimberly Spencer:And it's it's it's understanding how to position yourself with the influence, where people see that you're a good fit. Like I had one amazing podcast guest who my intuition was like she could be a great guest, but how she was pitched by her agency it wasn't ours was very much it wasn't.
Kimberly Spencer:Ours was that she wanted to empower women and like we have a top 2% ranking podcast with Proud in Yourself, like we've been around since 2019. Like empowering women is not enough at this point. Like we've done nearly 300 episodes of women who have, like, built $30 million companies and, you know, traveled the world and then, you know, created programs to help single mothers escape from financial codependency Like that's the level of empowering women. I need to see results and so. But I was curious about this woman and I look her up and I'm like she spoke at the UN Wow, yeah, and that wasn't in her pitch. And that she was a burlesque dancer that wasn't in her pitch. I know, right, interesting, and that's the thing is. Like, if you don't position yourself, looking at all the amazing quirks, the challenges that you face, the beauty that you have, like there are intricacies within your story that make you unique and interesting and different. I can tell you I get so many like I just saw three today that were like I'm into empowering women, I'm like that's great, that doesn't separate you from anything. So, being specific with your language and how you pitch so that you can get on these other shows, but also the biggest part of this book that I want to convey is like how to tell your story and so many people I love that you mentioned this that people discount their story.
Kimberly Spencer:And I had this asked me by a client of ours, megan Camille, on one of her summits and she said well, kim, what about those who don't have like this big trauma story, like this big dramatic story?
Kimberly Spencer:But maybe they were just like a middle child and felt really ignored and had to create art in order to be able to feel seen. And I was like that's a story, because so many people invalidate their story because it's not enough. They have this perception that it's not enough. Your story is exactly enough for who needs to hear it. I mean, yes, I have a lot of stuff in my story but and that's not going to resonate with everybody, especially those who haven't had a lot of stuff in their story necessarily but I know that by somebody else going on a podcast who's the middle child, who just felt a little passed over and ignored and had to be creative, that's someone who's going to resonate with those same people. So, being aware of how your story is connecting with your ideal customer audience, with your ideal audience, the people that you are designed and put on this planet to serve.
Kimberly Spencer:And I had this conversation with a coaching client of mine years ago who was starting her coaching business and I was super excited to support her. And then she was like, looking at kind of the similarities of what we do and she's like, well, why go through all this trouble of starting a business? Like it's a lot Like. She's like what if I just referred people to you? And I was like, look, I'll always take the referral, but I won't take it from out of a place of acquiescence to your own dream.
Kimberly Spencer:This was a woman who had spent 30 years in a medical profession and I was like there are people who will trust you as a coach more than they'll trust me with no college degrees, even though I've coached five PhDs. At this point, there are people who will trust your longevity and your background in the medical field that won't have the same trust for me in that space. That's why you need to be doing this, because I'm not going to be able to reach those people, but you will, yeah, and she was like oh, I never thought of it that way before. Yeah, and I think when you recognize and stop invalidating the pieces of your story because you're where you're at, that's exactly where you're at to serve somebody right at that level.
Alethea Felton:That's right and it's that heart. It's the art of human connection. People negate human connection. They may not think that they're worthy enough because their story isn't so grand.
Alethea Felton:But it doesn't have to be as long as you have that hook that something that's going to cause a person to just light up and say I could really learn something from this person, or that person can inspire me to do extraordinary things, and I think sometimes even entrepreneurs fail to think about that. Yeah, OK, you've created this tech company, but who are you? That's what really is the hook and the buy in. What really is the hook and the buy-in?
Kimberly Spencer:So how can even entrepreneurs Kimberly use their story to even enhance their brand and connect with their audience and clients on a deeper level. Well, we've been learning from stories since the dawn of time and because our unconscious minds recognize patterns, like we are pattern recognizing machines as unconscious minds, and so when you can tell your story in a specific pattern and I give you the seven story archetypes there's only seven in the book and the main three that I've seen for entrepreneurs are overcoming the monster, rags to riches and the quest, and each of those types of storylines have a very specific arc. And if you go back and listen to podcasts, go listen to my story very much overcoming the monster, the initial monster of my father, the monster of my own beliefs, the monster of my own self, and then constantly that overcoming the monster story shows up. That is resonant with those other people who have had some form of monster in their story that they've had to overcome. The same is true for the rags to riches. That's very much the entrepreneur story. But those patterns, those are archetypal patterns that resonate with our unconscious minds. If you want to resonate on an unconscious, hypnotic level with your customer to get them to have unconscious buy-in to your products, your services and who you are, tell a story and understand what story you're telling.
Kimberly Spencer:Like a rags to riches story that you started out with nothing, started from the back of your car and built a $10 million company or however large, six figures, whatever. That's right. Whatever you've built, that's the rags to riches journey. That's the one that many people will also resonate with, same with the quest where suddenly and I see this one with parents, parents who see their kid is having a struggle, and they go on a quest, they study science, they find new opportunities, new things that they can bring in to bring that healing back or those tools back to support their children.
Kimberly Spencer:Like one of our clients, kashif Khan built a $100 million company and he has been able to. His story of his children was what was really the catalyst of him seeing this need for parents and that he went on the quest to find the answers with DNA. And so that's the power of stories. When you can start looking at what is the story that my audience most resonates with, what's the story that my story already is like the archetype, and then how can I tell my story in this archetypal fashion that allows people to resonate with this? And when we start noticing those patterns, people unconsciously gravitate towards story by just saying can I tell you a story? Automatically it converts short-term memory into long-term memory. It activates a little bit of dopamine and serotonin in your brains, because our brains are literally wired for storytelling.
Kimberly Spencer:And so, whatever story you have, whatever you have been through small, large, big, grand don't judge it for where you're at, because what you're doing is you're actually able to serve exactly who you need from the story that you've already cultivated for your life up to this point. And yeah, you're going to keep growing your story because you're not dead. You're going to keep growing. There's going to be more story and it's going to evolve. But looking at your story as far as where you've come to now and that arc, that's when your ideal client, especially for business owners, will see you as the guide, because they will be like oh, they've gone to the land and gotten the knowledge and brought it back where they've gone and overcome the monster, and I need to know how to have those tools to overcome the monster.
Kimberly Spencer:Or they've gone in from rags to riches and whatever they did along that journey. I need to have that too. And so for coaches, service-based providers, even like tech businesses, the tech, the product, is the solution that they've discovered on their quest, and so it positions the product, your services and you as the guide, as the leader, to guide them on their journey, allowing your audience to see themselves as a hero.
Alethea Felton:Guide them on their journey, allowing your audience to see themselves as a hero. Wow, you all. Kimberly has dropped some nuggets of wisdom and jewels, and I don't want her to stop there. I want anybody out here who says you know what? I'm ready to do more podcast guesting. I'm ready to show up more in my life and show up for others. So, Kimberly, if someone wanted to connect with you, how can the audience reach you?
Kimberly Spencer:If you love podcasts like this, you can head on over to the Crown Yourself podcast. You can go to crownyourselfcom forward slash podcast and subscribe for our podcast all about shifting your subconscious mind and creating your empire. If you want to know specifically about how to guest on more podcasts and better share your stories, then you can head on over to communicationqueenscom forward slash podcast and subscribe to our Communication Queen podcast so that you can share your story and be so radically interesting, whether on a podcast or just around the campfire sharing your story. Then go ahead on over to makeeverypodcastwantyoucom and grab the book.
Alethea Felton:Wow, kimberly, as a closing question, I'd like to ask you this You're walking down the street and you meet the childhood version of yourself, and you meet the childhood version of yourself. You see her. At that moment, she has no idea who she will become. What do you do in that moment when you see her? Can be anything, it could be words, it doesn't have to be words, but you see her and now the two of you are standing face to face. What happens in that moment?
Kimberly Spencer:like every time and with my boys too, but more so like, just as like, and in that moment, oh, I would just smile at her and just let her know how proud I am of her and how her words have inspired me. I literally tattooed them on my arm. It says just run through it. And I found that from a video of me when I was four years old, maybe five, and my mom was asking I was playing with my friend and she was like, how do you get through the water forest?
Kimberly Spencer:And there was this big story around like the bay. We were in the backyard and then we had the sprinklers going, but it was a water forest story around like the bay. We were in the backyard and then we had the sprinklers going, but it was a water forest and it was dangerous and perilous. And I looked at my mom with the most defiant, like resolve in my eyes and I was like, simple, just run through it. And I saw that girl and I'm like her, that girl I'm so proud of who I have become, because I feel I have integrated that version of me into who I am now.
Alethea Felton:Perfectly said, perfectly stated. Continue sharing your story, kimberly. Continue to be a light in this world. Always know your worth, your value, you have meaning. You have truly blessed me today and I know that you have enhanced and blessed the lives of so many others, and it has truly been my honor having you here on the Power Transformation Podcast, and I will say this publicly you all is that.
Alethea Felton:Kimberly she does not expect me to say this, but I want to publicly thank you and your agency for sending me guests that I didn't even ask for. It came out of the blue and I just want to put it out there that you and your team did not have to do that. But from the bottom of my heart, thank you to you, joe, anna and everybody else at your agency. You have no idea how humbling that is that you all see something in me where you are willing to send clients over to my show. And thank you because in this world, so many people hoard and keep things for themselves, but there's so much abundance out there for everybody, and so I want to just publicly, in front of everyone thank you, kimberly, for taking time to even do that for me. Thank you.
Kimberly Spencer:You are so welcome. It is such our pleasure and we absolutely believe with what you're doing in this show, the voice that you have and the light that you are to this world, and so, of course, we will share our clients with you and let them be in your space and see what magic happens, because we all heal in relationship and we all grow in relationship, and I'm excited to grow our relationship beyond the scope of this podcast and see what magic gets created.
Alethea Felton:And same here, kimberly. Thank you. If you enjoyed today's show, then you don't want to miss an episode, so follow the Power Transformation Podcast on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you usually listen, and remember to rate and review. I also invite you to connect with me on social media at Alethea Felton. That's at A-L-E-T-H-E-A-F-E-L-T-O-N. Until next time, remember to be good to yourself and to others.
