The Power Transformation Podcast

95. How to Transform Imposter Syndrome into Resilience & Confidence

• Alethea Felton • Season 2 • Episode 95

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In this episode I open up about my own struggles with imposter syndrome and how I’ve worked to overcome self-doubt. I share practical strategies to help you build confidence, embrace your achievements, and step into your full potential with resilience and courage!

Episode 95's Affirmation:
I release the need for perfection and embrace the strength within me, 
knowing that I am worthy of my success.

Click here to connect with Alethea Felton

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Alethea Felton:

Hey y'all, I am so happy that you are here again with me for another episode of the Power Transformation Podcast, and I have some great news. I just celebrated a birthday. The day that this episode is released is August 28th and my birthday was actually August 27th. So, yes, I am so grateful to have turned 43 years young. Birthdays are so important to me because, as many of you know, my journey of having lived with chronic illness and facing death in the past more times than I could count and to still be here and thriving and I am just thankful. So birthdays are so important to me and to be showered with love and just to be grateful to God for another year. I am so happy and I'm going to make the best of it, no matter what, and I want to dive into this episode. This is a solo episode, but I want to welcome all of you here to the Power Transformation Podcast, especially for anyone who's new. If you're a new listener, welcome. This podcast ranks still in the top 5% and I am so grateful of podcasts globally, and that is because of listeners like you and people who subscribe and follow the podcast, and so we want to get this message out there that the Power Transformation Podcast is more than a podcast, but it's a movement and we are changing and transforming lives here, and thank you to those who have been faithful and have been with me since the beginning. I truly value and appreciate you and I ask that you share this podcast with many people, as many as you know, and to keep it going. But I'm going to do a solo episode today and before we dive into that topic, I want to go ahead and start with our affirmation. I'll say the affirmation once and then you repeat it. It's kind of long, so listen up. I release the need for perfection and embrace the strength within me, knowing that I am worthy of my success. I think I'll say it again I release the need for perfection and embrace the strength within me, knowing that I am worthy of my success. So that affirmation. I want you to say that as many times as you need to, because the episode today centers around a topic that a lot of people encounter, regardless of your age, regardless of the type of job you have or had because I know I have people that listen, who are retired regardless of where you are in life, and that is that of imposter syndrome.

Alethea Felton:

Imposter syndrome, and you know, this podcast definitely centers around the stories, as well as strategies, that help us to overcome life's toughest challenges, and so this is definitely one that a lot of people experience. And imposter syndrome, to just put it frankly and in layman's terms, is it's that ongoing, nagging feeling that you aren't as competent as others perceive you to be, that you are not as worthy as you might think that you are, and that, sooner or later, someone or something is going to expose you as a fraud. Imposter syndrome is that voice in your head, that negative voice that tells you that you aren't good enough, in spite of all of the evidence to the contrary, and I want you to realize that this syndrome can affect anyone, regardless, as I stated, regardless of your success level or your experience. Now let me be real with you in sharing that this is just not something that I've read about or researched. Yes, of course, I've done my homework on it, but imposter syndrome is actually something that I've lived. But imposter syndrome is actually something that I've lived, and I want to briefly take you to a time in my life when imposter syndrome really had a grip on me. So this was pre-pandemic, when I was really emphasizing more of the holistic health coaching aspect. Since then I've evolved more into the transformational speaking, motivational speaking realm, still do coaching, but more so based on resilience, confidence, things like that.

Alethea Felton:

Right, but as some of you know, before I had the podcast and everything like that I was, and I still am, certified as a holistic health coach and in that time of my life I was encouraging and inspiring others to live their healthiest, most vibrant lives, and health was, of course, the food you ate and the physical activity that you had, but also it was looking at mind, spirit, et cetera, similar to the work that I do now because I still implement holistic practices. But I mean, this was when I was heavy in the gym, training and lifting heavily and eating totally clean, totally, totally clean. I still eat clean most of the time but, as everybody, we all slip up some time. But this was when I was the poster child for all things health and fitness. But yet behind the scenes, although I was open with aspects of it, I was battling severe flare-ups of Crohn's disease and that had me in and out, in and out of the hospital and there were certain days, y'all, that I could barely get out of bed and despite all of my knowledge and my experience.

Alethea Felton:

I felt like a complete fraud. I felt how in the world can somebody tell somebody about healthy living when my organs are falling apart just not from the Crohn's but also from the liver condition, psc, primary sclerosing cholangitis and how in the world am I trying to tell people to live their healthiest lives when I can't get a handle on mine? And, as you know, with most autoimmune illnesses, including Crohn's, you can eat as healthy as you want to be, because there was a point when I was vegan and it still does not necessarily affect the condition, meaning that some things you just can't control, and I had to learn that and accept it. And so I felt like a fraud and I was always wondering how can I help others when I was struggling so much by myself? The self-doubt during that time of my life was overwhelming, suffocating, and I thought, yeah, I'm sharing some of my sickness and some people knew the intensity of it. But I always thought, if they knew how sick I really am, would they still trust me, would they still see me as a guide on their journey to wellness? And it always felt like I was on the edge of being exposed as a person who didn't have it all together, despite the fact that I had helped so many other people reclaim their health. And what's so interesting is that during that time, people were telling me especially people in my personal life and my nicknames, lili. People were telling me Lili, you are so inspiring, it's because of you that I've chosen to take control of my health. It's because of you I'm starting to go to bed earlier. It's because of you, I mean all of these things that people started to do to change their life. But yet, no matter how much they told me, I still did not feel that I was being truly who I was supposed to be, although the proof was in the pudding. But it took time and I did have to take some steps toward it, and I'm going to share those. But here's what I've learned through that experience. But here's what I've learned through that experience Imposter syndrome is powerful, but it does not have to control your life.

Alethea Felton:

There are tangible and practical steps that you can take to push back against those feelings. I don't like to use the word fight back, because fight is like an ongoing battle. I say push, you can push it away. Push those feelings of inadequacy and incompetence to build the resilience and the confidence that you need to thrive, and it is because of my overcoming the imposter syndrome that led me even to this realm of speaking and coaching and podcasting that I do now. So, when we talk about it from a practical standpoint, the first practical step is that you must acknowledge and reframe your inner critic. I'm going to give you five steps.

Alethea Felton:

First, acknowledge and reframe your inner critic. Because of the fact imposter syndrome often shows up or manifests as a harsh inner critic that questions your abilities and your accomplishments. Then that means that the self-talk that you have can create a false, distorted, really messed up view of your confidence, thus making you feel like a fraud. It jacks up your confidence and competence. So say, for example, those of you who are still working let's say that you've just been promoted at work, but instead of celebrating, you find yourself thinking dang, they must've made a mistake, I'm really not qualified for this. Okay, however, real talk. You are qualified because you have all the qualifications. You've shown it through the work that you've already done. You're qualified, but in your mind you're saying I'm not qualified.

Alethea Felton:

So recognizing this self-sabotaging thought is the first step and, instead of letting it spiral out of control, pause and reframe it. And the way that you reframe it, even if you don't completely believe it at that moment is you say I was chosen and selected for this promotion because I have proven and demonstrated the skills and the potential to be excellent at it. And even in this position, I'm here to learn and grow. That is the first step. You got to retrain your brain, reframe your thought and even when I was in my times of sickness and I was health coaching people, I had to say uh-uh. No. Despite me being in this position in a hospital battling something I cannot control that I've dealt with literally ever since childhood birth. I'm still competent enough to be able to be the best holistic coach I can be because I have proven myself worthy of it. So you've got to start doing that, and something you can do in terms of an exercise you can do in terms of an exercise Create a two-column list on a piece of paper or on your computer, wherever.

Alethea Felton:

On one side, write down your self-critical thoughts and on the other side, write down a positive reframe. I've actually done that with clients okay, and over time, doing that practice will help diminish the power of your inner critic, because the more goodness love, positivity and grace that you feed to it, it will disappear. If you starve that negative thought and that negative mindset, it will die. So the second practical step to overcome imposter syndrome embrace your achievements and celebrate your small wins. See, people that battle imposter syndrome often attribute their success to external factors or chance, not giving themselves the credit.

Alethea Felton:

This was so funny to me when Snoop Dogg I want to say when he got his star on the Hall of Fame. I'll never forget when he gave his acceptance speech, he thanked him. I think it was when he had got his star. It might've been something else, but I'm almost positive. But he said I thank me for blah, blah, blah. I thank me for dah, dah, dah. And a lot of people could have viewed that as arrogance, but I didn't. I understood where Snoop was coming from, because he acknowledged the fact that he worked hard to get that honor. And so think about this.

Alethea Felton:

Imagine that you've completed a project or a task successfully. It could be a work, it could be something you've done in a group you're a part of. It could be something you've organized for your family. It doesn't matter, but say that you've worked hard on it and instead of you feeling proud and honored that you've done it, you say, well, I just got lucky, or you know, that was just pure chance or coincidence that I was able to get it done. No, to push back on this type of a thought, I want you to kind of start what I would consider almost like a success journal, where you're writing down at least one thing you've accomplished, no matter how small. It could be something as simple as oh, I actually finally set up that table that I had been planning on setting up, or it could be I actually did a 15-minute mile today. Wow, no matter what it is, I want you to write it down in your success journal and then, at the end of each week, do this every day for at least a week and then, at the end of each week, look back at that success journal and pick one of those achievements that you've accomplished to celebrate. And when you choose that to celebrate, you can treat yourself to something special. Or, if you don't want to spend money or anything like that, that something special could be something as simple as making time to watch something on Netflix, or you could share your success with your significant other or your husband or your wife or a friend or someone close to you, or even a coach or mentor, but share it so that that person can also celebrate with you. But share it so that that person can also celebrate with you.

Alethea Felton:

It is not self-seeking to be proud of your achievements. Sometimes we grow up in a society where humility yes, you want to be humble, you don't want to be arrogant. But don't misunderstand humility. Humility does not mean to not recognize your strengths and your talents, and I see this a lot in people who are religious or have very close relationships with God. I have a close relationship with God. I'm a bit more open-minded. God I'm a bit more open-minded, but as much as I love God and I credit God for what I have, I also know that if I'm made in the image of God, then I have God within me and therefore I have certain innate abilities that cause me to be able to accomplish great things, even if they seem impossible to others. That is the God that I serve and have within me, and so, therefore, I not only acknowledge the God spirit that's higher than myself, but I also acknowledge the fact like, hey, I've done this, I'm gifted in this, and it does not mean that I think that I'm better than others. So I want you to challenge yourself to start getting into that space and place where you can feel comfortable embracing your achievements and celebrating your small wins.

Alethea Felton:

Okay, so the third step to overcoming imposter syndrome seek constructive feedback and mentorship. See, imposter syndrome can make people avoid feedback due to their fear of criticism. But in reality, constructive feedback is a valuable tool for growth. Constructive feedback is a valuable tool for growth. That is something that I've had to get comfortable with constructive feedback in my professional life as well as personal life, because sometimes it can be a hard pill to swallow. When a person gives you constructive feedback, it's a difference between getting criticism off of hateration or negativity, but it's something else when you get valuable feedback. So this is what I mean.

Alethea Felton:

Suppose that you are working on a big presentation, and maybe you've had this experience before. You're working on a presentation and you feel unsure about your performance and again, this presentation does not have to be in a work environment. It could be anywhere where you have to present something. So say that you're working on a presentation and you feel unsure about your performance. Instead of keeping those doubts to yourself, seek feedback from someone you trust, a trusted loved one. It can be a trusted loved one, it can be a mentor, it can be your child, it can be a colleague, it can be a supervisor, it can be your sibling, your spouse, it can be anybody. But that person that you choose can give you a fresh perspective as well as highlight areas where you excelled that you may have overlooked. So I want you to identify someone in your life, someone in your life, and reach out to them and ask them for mentorship. Now let me make this clear If you are older, if you are more seasoned, mature so say that you are a baby boomer, for example you can still get a mentor, and that mentor does not even have to be someone in your age group. It could be, but it could be someone younger.

Alethea Felton:

Mentorship is not predicated necessarily based on age. As a matter of fact, in my personal life, someone who helps me a lot in the public speaking realm is a gentleman who is literally in his 20s and he is one of the most dynamic speakers ever. He is absolutely dynamic and he's in his 20s. Stevan Lester is his name. I'm giving him a shout out. He isn't expecting this, but he is one of the most dynamic speakers and he speaks to youth specifically. That's not my target audience, but it's the steps that he takes in order to speak, and he's been coached by people like Eric ET, thomas, jeremy Anderson, et cetera some of these top level speakers and my coach. He's young, a young guy, but I have learned so much from him just through what he shares and pours out, and so you know he, as well as the team at Next Level Speakers Academy, really do a phenomenal job, and that's a shameless plug. But what I'm trying to say is this is a mentor of mine who's younger, but yet I learned so much right, and so he has given me constructive feedback on speaking.

Alethea Felton:

Okay, and so in your life, choose someone that you know and respect. Reach out to them for mentorship if you don't have someone already and there are other people in my life, too, that I seek mentorship from but ask for feedback on specific areas where you feel insecure or uncertain and use that feedback to build a more accurate self-assessment. It doesn't matter your age, or accurate self-assessment, it doesn't matter your age. I know people who are in their 60s and 70s and even 80s who have so many insecurities. But guess what, as long as you have breath in your body, whether you're in your teens or if you're already in your hundreds. As long as you're alive and have a level of cognitive or mental capacity, you can still transform your life. I will take that to the bank. It is not too late. And so that is another practical step to avoid imposter syndrome. How not to avoid it, how to overcome it?

Alethea Felton:

The fourth practical step is to shift your focus from perfection to progress. Perfectionism often goes hand in hand with imposter syndrome, which can lead to unrealistic standards and harsh self-judgment when those standards are not met. So consider a person who spends hours revising something. Say that they're working on a report, working on a presentation, writing a book, something like that Now, I'm not talking about the publishing aspects of it, but just trying to get the first draft done. But they spend hours revising it because they're afraid that it's not perfect. Instead of aiming for perfection, I had to learn this y'all aim for progress, set a time limit for those revisions and once that time is up, consider that project report, that presentation, whatever done, you are shifting from a perfectionist mindset to one that values the learning process and values completion. Now I'm not saying to do half-tailed or half-assed work. That's not what I'm saying, but what I'm saying is sometimes overthinking hinders the progress that we need to make. Y'all trust me when I say this, because overthinking has been something that I've had to work on continually throughout my life. And so start working on a project or task with the clear intention of doing your best within a set time frame and then, once completed, reflect on what you've learned, rather than focusing on any perceived flaws, and keep it moving rather than focusing on any perceived flaws and keep it moving. And that leads us to step five of how to overcome imposter syndrome cultivate, nourish, create self-compassion and a growth mindset.

Alethea Felton:

Self-compassion is crucial. It is vitally important to counteracting the harsh self-criticism that comes with imposter syndrome. For example, when you make a mistake on something, instead of thinking I'm not good enough or I'm so dumb or I'm the most terrible person ever, no, practice self-compassion, y'all, by saying you know what I'm going to take the L or the loss for this, but I'm learning from it. It's okay to make mistakes. This is how I'm going to learn and grow. To make mistakes, this is how I'm going to learn and grow.

Alethea Felton:

This shifting of your mindset not only relieves, soothes, eases the pressure that you put on yourself, but it also makes you more resilient. Your bounce back factor grows in the face of challenges. Whenever you encounter a setback, write down what the experience taught you. Baby, I am telling you that when you reflect on how you can apply this lesson moving forward, you are learning to reinforce the idea that growth comes from experience, not from being perfect. You ain't perfect, I'm not perfect, and that's okay. Compassion and a growth mindset will take you beyond the Milky Way galaxy, honey. It will take you to places that you never thought you could ever soar, and that way, you can break the cycle of imposter syndrome.

Alethea Felton:

What I want to say as I close this today remember that every time you overcome that voice in your head telling you that you're not enough, you are one step closer to living your fullest, most authentic, unbelievably resilient, confident and courageous life. Avoid letting imposter syndrome steal your joy or your purpose, because you, my friend, are here for a reason. You are here because the world needs you and your unique gifts, and that is the premise of the power transformation podcast. You have what you need inside of you, so step aside and get out of your own way to begin to not only transform your life and the people around you, but to make this planet that we are on so much better.

Alethea Felton:

And on that note, I will close with our affirmation Say it one more time like you really mean it, say it from your gut, say it from your heart. I will say it once and you repeat it. I release the need for perfection and embrace the strength within me, knowing that I am worthy of my success. If you enjoyed today's show, then you don't want to miss an episode. So follow the Power Transformation podcast on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you usually listen, and remember to rate and review. I also invite you to connect with me on social media at Alethea Felton, that's at A-L-E-T-H-E-A-F-E-L-T-O-N. Until next time, remember to be good to yourself and to others.