The Power Transformation Podcast
Some people survive their hardest seasons. Others use them to thrive and become someone entirely new.
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The Power Transformation Podcast is a Top 3% globally ranked show where entrepreneurs, thought leaders, and everyday people are vulnerable and transparent about what transformation actually costs and what it produces. They share the stories behind their stories, the moments that are rarely spoken of yet changed everything and the crucial decisions that rebuilt them.
Host Alethea Felton is not a bystander to hard things. Born with Crohn's Disease and a rare liver condition that once left her critically ill, she overcame a severe stutter and navigated the grief of losing her two closest friends to cancer before they reached 40.
Instead of remaining in her pain, Alethea not only had a 20 year award winning career as a public school educator as well as doing entrepreneurial ventures on the side, a few years ago she became a professional speaker and certified transformation specialist because she refused to let adversity be her final word.
Every episode of The Power Transformation Podcast delivers practical tools for leveling up and becoming stronger mentally, emotionally, personally, and professionally.
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The Power Transformation Podcast
89. How to Navigate Difficult Relationships & Gain Holistic Healing with Dr. Pat Boulogne
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Nowadays multiple people living with health conditions seek varied approaches in finding remedies to assist in their healing. Well, with over 35 years of experience, Dr. Patricia "Pat" Boulogne discusses her holistic approach to tackling chronic pain and health issues, emphasizing the importance of music, self-care, and mindset. She also shares personal insights on improving parental relationships, and by setting boundaries you, too, can set the path for emotional healing. Tune in to learn how to unlock your potential with Dr. Pat's wisdom and expertise!
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Episode 89's Affirmation:
I am committed to creating positive change and growth in my family and friend groups.
I invite you to leave a positive message with your insights, feedback, or uplifting message.
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Intro to Dr. Pat
Alethea FeltonToday's guest is definitely one of the most remarkable people I've ever encountered and she was certainly a joy to have on the Power Transformation podcast . Dr Patricia Boulogne is a certified functional medicine practitioner , coach , chiropractor , speaker and author . She has helped thousands over the last 35 plus years stop adapting their lifestyle to pain and chronic problems by focusing on the whole person . The result is that her clients and patients find out the why and the cause of the problem and identify the starting point what , why , where and how to begin their health journey to live longer , better and healthier . Dr Pat is the founder and principal of Ask Dr Pat Health Team Network , which is a company dedicated to skyrocketing your health , lifestyle and mindset with practical strategies and programs that just simply make sense and help you age gracefully , think , move and feel better and live longer and happier . It is my honor to have Dr Pat Boulogne on the Power Transformation Podcast . Her journey is incredible and is definitely something you don't want to miss . Hey , welcome back to another episode of the Power Transformation Podcast . And if this is your first time here , I am your host , alethea Felton , and thank you to all of my longtime listeners . And hey , what I want to say up front to you is that the podcast is still growing strong , but I do need your help , and this is what I need your help with . The way that the podcast gets more traction is by not only rating it but also writing a review . Traction is by not only rating it but also writing a review . So , if you happen to be an Apple podcast listener , go ahead and leave that five-star rating but also write a review about what you get out of these episodes and tell as many people as you know about it . I am also excited because the plan in the fall is to also begin releasing episodes with the video . So , yes , I am expanding the podcast very soon to include both audio and video . I am getting a need for it , with more people asking me are these episodes on video ? And while I wanted to start off with audio , I think that the time is now for video , but we'll talk about that more at a later date . But I want to jump right into this episode today because Dr Pat is truly , truly a remarkable person and she has so many insights to share today . So let's go ahead and begin with our affirmation . I'm going to say the affirmation once and then you repeat it I am committed to creating positive change and growth in my family and friends group .
Alethea FeltonI am so excited today to have Dr Pat here with us . Yes , I call her Dr Pat . She's going to tell you more about herself , but she is , oh my goodness , dr Pat . Boulogne is and just FYI , you know the word cologne , that's how you say her last name , boulogne . When I first met her , she told me it's just like cologne , so don't let that spelling fool you . But if you speak French , I'm sure you're saying it much better than I am . I speak Spanish close , but not quite . But anyway , but I'm so happy to have Dr Pat here . Welcome to the Power Transformation Podcast , dr Pat .
Dr. Pat BoulogneThank you very much . I am really really looking forward to this and sharing time with a beautiful face and such great energy , so I'm ready to support your listenership and support you , and we can rock and roll .
Alethea FeltonThank you so much . And she has so many different hats she wears and is an expert in her field . She's a doctor of chiropractic , she's a health , wellness and mindset strategist , a lifestyle expert , a coach just so much , and we're going to dive into this today . And Dr Pat , one thing thatI love to do with all of my guests , I just like to ask a fun icebreaker question so we can get to know you a bit more . So this is your question . All right , uh-oh , what is one of the best ? I won't say the best , because you might have to really think through it , but what is one of the best either concerts or music festivals that you've ever gone to ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneOh , or music festivals that you've ever gone to . Oh , you know , I love music , you know , and I like live music , you know , and so you know , it's just like the . Oh my God , you know , that's it's , you know , geez , louise , you know .
Alethea FeltonA lot comes to mind . It does .
Dr. Pat BoulogneOne of the best .
Dr. Pat BoulogneThe best . You know , like there's different because , like , if it was the music , it's one thing . If it's the , you know the , you know the , the venue and where it's at , that's a totally different thing . You know , and so , and I've seen so many people I was just talking to somebody about , you know bands that I've seen in the past , like Led Zeppelin , jack Spatale , you know . You know we saw , like Iggy Stooge , I think I saw him for five bucks . You know , wow , lawrence Clearwater Revival , ccr .
Musical Memories and Connections
Dr. Pat BoulogneYou know , when I was in high school , at the high school , and you know , and so you know , but I think one of my most loveliest concerts you know that for music wise , for the quality of the music that I just like walked away and I was just so happy to have been there is with Bob James .
Alethea FeltonWhat made that a great concert ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , first off , my girlfriend's very connected in that end of stream . She got , and she gave me two tickets to go see him and have backstage passes . So not only did you get to have the experience that was just in the beginning of chiropractic school then , and not only did you get the experience of seeing somebody who's like music I just you know the piano is just so wonderful you also had to have , you got to have a really great conversation with him about , you know , the hours , like his posture and how like that leads into even him performing even better . But his music is just like music to my ears , you know and you know and and so you know it was just , it was really a great opportunity to you know , make a connection and cross paths and listen and have a really great night of music . But that's like a good , that's a really great memory .
Alethea FeltonYeah .
Dr. Pat BoulogneWhen I was in chiropractic school . But I've had a lot of music exposure . I've always had that . I mean , I went to a party at Bob Seger's house one time and sat on top of the barn oh , that's so cool and Tower of Power played at his house , you know . And so it was just like you know , like you can't get invited to those things anymore without having total security , you know , and that type of thing .
Alethea FeltonBackground checks and everything else .
Dr. Pat BoulogneYou know the other thing . You know , I went to the Detroit Macho Jazz Festival one time and we went to an after hours place in Cass Quarter which is really a dangerous place to go to at that time , and I got stuck in the elevator with Herbie Hancock , oh my goodness . And then I met him about five years later , after I became a chiropractor . But I told him I was in chiropractic school at that time and he remembered me . And I met him again at the house of blues out in LA . Wow , what a cool memory . It was just very like , you know , like some of those crossovers , you know , and I sat on top of the roof deck at the house of blues . My girl , a friend of my girlfriend , was the um , you know general manager , and so she had stuff to do . So she goes , go outside and sit up on top of deck . It's a great view of LA , you know , oh my goodness . And I went up there and , um , the Neville brothers were up there , oh , wow , sitting . So I'm just going like and who are you ?
Dr. Pat Boulogneand I met Taj Mahal at yes , in person I was yelling at him about smoking and I didn't know it was Taj Mahal . And then when he got on stage , he goes where's Dr Pat .
Alethea FeltonYou know because he was .
Dr. Pat BoulogneI said what are you smoking , for you know , and I didn't know who he was and then when he got on stage .
Alethea FeltonHe goes . Where's Dr ?
Dr. Pat BoulognePat , you know because he was . I said what are you smoking for ?
Alethea FeltonYou know , and I didn't know who he was .
Dr. Pat BoulogneI mean , I've heard his music and I love this music . I love jazz .
Alethea FeltonExactly . And I know a lot about music because I come from a musical family yes , so so inundated with music . I have an uncle who was a jazz pianist , very popular on the DC scene . I have other relatives who are entertainers . I'm a vocalist .
Dr. Pat BoulogneMy father played trombone , yeah .
Alethea FeltonAnd one of my cousins and audience . We are going to get into the heart of this but one of my cousins he has since passed away , but he played for Bruce Springsteen . His name was actually Clarence Clemons , he was his sax player . So , yeah , so he played for Springsteen in the E Street Band . So we could go on and on talking about music . But I thank you for just you know , sharing that fun fact about you , and I think that music is such a vital part of just life and , in terms of my own self-care and my own wellness , I don't know what I would do without music . And so that leads me to ask you , dr Pat , we know a little bit about you in terms of the music aspect , but if you could describe who you are , dr Pat , how would you describe Dr Pat Ballone ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneWho am I describing myself to you know ? It's just like I have had such a multifaceted life , right ? So you know , I'm an acupuncturist by training and also , by the way , music and medicine is almost the same symbol . So all your listenership goes out to Google . Search and look up the Chinese symbol for medicine and music . You will see that the music one has the fingers going up and reaching to the sky for the air . Part of the music , part of it , but they're both that piece .
Thriving Through Life's Challenges
Dr. Pat BoulogneSo you know , for me and explaining myself to me , it's just like I love to see people thrive , you know . I like to see people do good , I like to see people have fun and I like to see them thrive because it creates that positive energy . I like people , like when people get stuck and have their mindset , I like helping them to get out of that mindset that has them stuck and like looking at , like what is it that makes me keep on hitting the ceiling , the walls , and I just can't get past this box . You know , and having that ability to think outside the box creates so much more ebb and flow in our lives that it's just and I like to foster that , you know . So I like seeing you know , like I'm very huge on health , you know , and on you know and doing the right things that make your life more simpler and safer , and you can get to that solution you know a lot quicker .
Dr. Pat BoulogneWow , and so you know . That's like you know again and like I never said it in that realm , like in that way before . But I really have such an appreciation I have like this intuitive ability sometimes to just zone in turn on you know and create . You know and help people create miracles in their life , and that's I love having . I get so much satisfaction from seeing somebody that I've worked with do like all of a sudden the light goes on . It's like , wow , you know , and then they , then you let them loose and let them do their thing .
Alethea FeltonAnd I think that's really key in terms of people thriving . When you think about yourself as a health , wellness and mindset strategist and that's that's really a powerful title in and of itself . So what does that look like to you in terms of the work you do as a health , wellness and mindset strategy ? Describe that for us .
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , one of my big superpowers is that I have the ability to take something very convoluted and complex and I'm able to make sense of it , and so I can take it , no matter what it is , in any industry . When someone says that they come to me with a problem , I can strategize a solution . Wow . And I take that not only just in health and mindset , but I take that into like you want to go someplace , you want to go to Europe ? I've been over a lot of places in Europe . I have my office , I traveled a lot . I , looking back , I'm thinking how do I take nine weeks off a year , you know , to go on vacation ? You know , but I did it , you know . And but I can help people go from point A to point C a lot faster , you know , because I have had a experience and be that my level of common sense is just like .
Dr. Pat BoulogneIt shocks me sometimes , even though I'm like wow , so that's what that looks like . So when someone gives me a problem , I was like okay , so this is where we're at , when did you come from ? Where do you want to go ? You know , and it's just like , because sometimes you get to an end of the road and you'd have to make a right hand , left hand turn . You know logically , and the right hand turn takes you in a very different way and the left hand turn takes you in a different way . They both get to the same place , but one gets you there sooner and safer and the other one gets you there longer and safer . It's just a choice . So when you have choices that make sense to you , it's easier to make those decisions because they're based upon you know , knowledge , you know and knowledge that you can use in a step-by-step process .
Alethea FeltonExactly , and so when you take people through this step-by-step process , then they find ways to thrive and to excel and to pretty much get unstuck within their own lives , and so that journey for you has been a winding road that's led you here , and a lot of it stems and begins back even from your childhood , when you had to navigate a different type of dynamic and this is getting into the heart and the crux of our interview today of your own transformation , and something personal that happened with you is your relationship , specifically with your mom . How did your mom affect your road to success and tell us a little bit about her and you and that dynamic .
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , my mother , you know , was around for the depression and um , and then she got married to my father and she had five kids and um by the time that I came along , you know . You know I wasn't told that . I was told much later on that you know I was the baby that was supposed to keep their marriage together , you know . And so you know that didn't happen . And also I came , you know I was very , very independent . You know , I learned to be very independent as a child because I had three older sisters , you know , not so much my brother I don't remember my brother doing that kind of care but I had three older sisters that watched over me and I didn't have that real big mother figure growing up . And so , and my mother , you know , when I got older , always wanted me to go back to having her as that figure , you know . But I never grew into that because I had my older sisters , you know who were . Who was that that type of thing ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd a lot of times my mother would um , because of the dynamics that was going on with her , and my father , you know , would sabotage or try to sabotage my relationships . You know , in my success , in my life
Navigating Complex Parental Relationships
Dr. Pat BoulogneI've had . Like you know , I think I told you the story about playing the piano Right , and so did I tell you that story . I don't think so . No , well , my mother , I , my father wanted me to be a concert pianist .
Dr. Pat BoulogneOh , so my mother , like you know , and so you know , I was taking piano lessons in school and he cause he loved the piano and so and I love the piano too , but my mother wouldn't buy me a piano because she said I had to learn how to play it first but , I know , every time I ever tell that story to anybody they have that same look .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd because you have to practice playing it . Well . Well , I ended up with a fake cardboard , you know , like this fold out cardboard thing , and my first concert that I played , I learned how to play that music from that cardboard and then apply it to the piano when I was in school and I in my lessons . That's remarkable , and so and , and you know , and which made me not want to play the piano .
Alethea FeltonSo , so , as you're playing this cardboard , you're you're hearing the music in your mind .
Dr. Pat BoulogneWow , you know , and then you know I eventually ended up getting one of those organs you know that had , like you know you could change the tune and stuff like that . A small one that fit in the corner of the dining room and my mother played that more than I did and I lost interest in it because it just wasn't . You know I didn't have enough . You know like you got to practice and you can't practice when you can't really hear . You know that that thing . So I became a tomboy .
Alethea FeltonAnd you can't practice when you can't really hear . You know that that thing , so I became a tomboy . What aspects of their dynamic as a couple did you struggle to understand , and how did that even contribute to the challenges you had with your mom ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , there wasn't one .
Dr. Pat BoulogneYou know , I don't think they had a relationship you know , and so when my father left , you know he would do like you know he , we would see him , like on Sundays , we would go to church on Sundays with him and then we would go have breakfast and that , and he was doing the obligatory type things . But the thing that you know , when I was growing up , my father always told me that I could do it , and my mother would always tell me why do you want to do it ? Or that there wasn't even a why . Just like you know , when I wanted to go to Europe , for instance , you know my and I needed to have , because I was going to stay in youth hostels to save money , you know and so I needed a youth hostel sack that you sleep in , you know , and like it's almost like a sleeping bag , and you roll it up and you put it in your backpack . And like a sleeping bag , and you roll it up and you put it in your backpack . And and my asked my mother she would make me one , as opposed to cause she could sew . I couldn't sew . I sewed my fingers together Not my forte , you know , it's just like threading the needles but my , you know , concept of sewing . And and so , at any rate . She refused to do it because I was wasting money going to Europe . That was her thing .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd my father was telling me like , oh , you're going to love Italy . You know , when you get to Napoli , that's where he was stationed in the service . You know there was a lot of like . You know , like push me , pull you . If he said something , she said the opposite , you know . And so I just learned to tune her out , you know , and because I always thought you know that , that , that anything part of it was possible , you know , he said , if you can think it and believe it , you can do it , you know .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd so , and my and I always had that premise when I was growing up , I mean , even when I play golf with him , you know he would just like you know , if you stop picking your head up , you'd hit a good golf ball , you know . And so he bought me a hook and he put it down in front of the ball when I cheat off and he would just tell me concentrate on that . That's the look at the ball , concentrate on that . You're never going to play alone , you know . So just keep your head down when you're swinging so you can hit the ball and you won't wolf it . You know , and you can hit a long ball .
Mother-Daughter Relationship Struggles
Dr. Pat BoulogneYou know I never really did any of those things with my mother . I mean , I don't remember cooking with her , other than , you know , when we were making cookies . You know that kind of thing and you're scraping out all the dough and eating that stuff which probably wasn't any good for you at all .
Alethea FeltonAnd I was actually going to ask that and I'm glad that you mentioned it is , while your father was very intentional of his relationship with you and sometimes people can assume because it's a girl , then they should have a bond with their mom . But it's not always like that , that . You might not always get that , and so my question , or my wonder , is what attempts did you make to try to connect closely with your mom , and when those seem to be thwarted or pushed aside , what was the straw Because you told me this offline that what was the straw that eventually led you to cutting ties with her ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , I cut ties with her when you know I had , there was numerous things and I don't remember exactly what I told you , but I remember the , the piece that brought that back in . But there were , like there were numerous things that you know , like she would call me up , like at 730 in the morning on my only day off , you know , and there was things that she would do that you know . My and , by the way , my sisters didn't have that same growing up experience .
Alethea FeltonExactly Right .
Dr. Pat BoulogneThey had this like really tight bond with my mother and I was just like , wow , you know , and the realization that that was so different for them to me was crazy , and I said that that wasn't my realization , with that and my you know , and so like there's like some of those things I had , I mean even , you know , being invited to someone's house with the intention of having breakfast for a particular purpose , for instance , with a boyfriend of mine at one point in time , and my mother being there . My mother said , oh , it's all set . And then when we got there , what we went intentionally for , you know , didn't happen , because this woman didn't know that that's why we were there . My mother didn't , you know , wasn't transparent about that , and so , and then there was a lot like you could ask her questions like what time is dinner , you know , and so that you knew what time to be home , and then you know some of that , those pieces of the puzzle were , you know , just like she would say when it's done , you know , and I can remember asking to go to go play in a playground with the boy across the street when I was in kindergarten , and they're going to kindergarten , you know , and she kept on saying yes , yes , yes .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd so we left , you know , after three times of asking her .
Dr. Pat BoulogneI don't know that's where I maybe got my rule of three of asking somebody something , because after that , after three , I'm done .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd so we left and we walked down the street and we walked all the way over to the school that we were going to go to and played in the playground , and then , on the way coming back , we didn't look at where we're going , you know , and we couldn't pick the right street up , and then the police came and I wouldn't get in the police car , you know . And so we had this , you know , because I was like you're so smart , tell me where my street's at , yeah , um , kind of thing , and you know . But we had , you know , but I had like you're so smart , tell me where my streets at , yeah , kind of thing , and you know . But we had , you know , but I had like so many stories and numerous instances with that , you know , and at one point in time , you know , I thought for my health , my mental health , I needed to keep that distance from that and , you know , and I made sure that I did I moved to another state .
Alethea FeltonWow , you got far , yes , okay , that I did . I moved to another state . Wow , you got far , yes , okay .
Dr. Pat BoulogneYeah , and I moved to someplace . That was very you know , and I got married and it was you know , all those pieces of the puzzle . My life is in a totally different place , you know . And you know , when I came home I made sure I came home only for a couple days and I flew back out . You know , I never stayed there like long enough to you know to do that and I would even , you know , like when I went to go visit my mother , you know , I always just like there was always something you know , like when you know I can tell you a kind of a beautiful , like you know , story in a way .
Dr. Pat BoulogneMy grandmother was in in ending her life , right , and like she was 94 , she didn't die till she was 98 , but at 94 I came home this year because my mother told me she was going to die and um , so when I got home we went out to lunch and we had she goes , don't be surprised if she doesn't recognize you . And so when I walked into my grandmother's room this is in Michigan , where there's tornadoes warnings all the time um , and my grandmother's room , and I said where the hell are the butterscotch candies ? Sat up and looked at me and she went Patty , oh , she remembers , she knew , you know and my mother almost fainted . And then she asked who my brother was with me and I had my nickname for my brother when I was growing up , called Pickle Shibu I don't know where that comes from . I picked him , you know , that's what I called him him it's just the kids say the darndest things right , you know .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd my grandma was just who's that ? And I said that's pickle shibu . And he was , she was michael , you leave your sister alone . I mean , it was just , and it was just like my mother was so shocked . She goes how did you get her to do that , you know ? And so , and I just talked to my grandmother , because my grandmother was beautiful , she had skin like yours , like perfect skin , no lines on her face at 94 , you know , no marks on her face . And I was like , oh , my God , you're so beautiful .
Dr. Pat BoulogneWhat are you going to do when you get to be a hundred ? You know , and this is where I think I get my sense of humor from , and she said a hundred , who the heck wants to be a hundred ? All you do is get a Christmas card or a birthday card from President McKinley Grandma . President McKinley died a long time ago . She's oh , they're all the same Like , was her answer . But she was so thrilled , you know , to have this conversation . I said , but I said I hope when I hit 94 , I said that I look just like you . Well , you'll certainly be a lot taller . I was a lot taller than her , but it was . It was such a , you know a different , you know like relationship .
Dr. Pat BoulogneIt was , you know , and I never learned and I never shared my mother's to . I know she's passed away but she's still , probably to this day , has never understood what I did . She kept on always saying to me I hope you find your niche , I hope you find your niche . And I used to irritate the heck out of me and I just learned not to listen to it because no matter how much you tried to get her to get you , she never got you because there was always that competition with me and my father and her and my and her and my father Exactly , and you even told me about how the best analogy that you could describe in terms of you and your mom as time went on was fire melting the ice .
Alethea FeltonYou said that offline , and so how did that fire melting the ice analogy represent your relationship with your mom over the years ? What do you mean by that ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , you know , I think my mother , you know , had tools that she learned , you know it's just like you can in anybody , like , you know , in someone's parent . You know I had people who met my mother and they loved her , you know . So I would let them talk to her , you know , because then I didn't have to have a conversation with her and then , but you know , it's just like that , that fire and ice as time went on there was more ice than it was fire , okay , and so she , you know , and she was always trying to like be the mother , but I never found her growing up to ever be my mother . You can come from somebody , doesn't mean that they're your mother or they're even your family ,
Healing and Reconnecting With Mother
Dr. Pat Boulogneyou know . And so to honor my mother , you know , it's just like I would do things that was expected of me to do . You know as being a daughter , you know , and especially when she , you know , had an accident and she was in hospice for 10 months . You know as being a daughter , you know , and especially when she , you know , had an accident and she was in hospice for 10 months , you know , and that type of thing .
Dr. Pat BoulogneBut you know the , you know it's , and for me , I made peace with that and so , like when I would talk to her , I would talk to her at a specific time where I could just devote 30 minutes to having a conversation with her when I was working , cause when she called me when I was working I never answered the phone Cause I just I had my focus was treating patients and having patients get the best of me and get the best of my knowledge . So on my off time I needed to decompress . So I was very I had I learned a long time ago and I and part of my success is being a , you know , a doctor in an office is I had specific boundaries from being in the office and being out and what I did with my spare time you know for that . So that was you know in , and there's a point in time that you know I had that . You know . I told you about that breakthrough , about having that forgiveness .
Alethea FeltonYes . So I want to lead to that . And boundaries are so important because , especially when you have had that type of a relationship over the years , it can take a toll on a person's emotional health , mental health , health , mental health even if we act as if everything's okay . There is something special about a healthy mother and child relationship , especially a mother and daughter relationship . I can speak for myself in that I have an amazing relationship with both of my parents , but it means so much to have a mother that I can talk to about anything . I look up to her .
Alethea FeltonEven as a child she was very snuggly and cuddly where I could hug her and she would read bedtime stories and all of that . And so even now we go out shopping together , we go to lunch together , things of that nature . And so the time did come when you were intentional about reconnecting with your mom . How did that change the dynamics of your relationship ? And then you also shared offline with me , Pat , that you created a 90th birthday party for her . So how did even that contribute to the healing process , Dr Pat ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , first off , my husband and I are both like in alternative medicine . So you know we've , and he found some woman that was in New Hampshire who was a healer and you know , and so if he was going for that , I wanted to go for it too .
Dr. Pat BoulogneSo , we drove up to New Hampshire from Cape Cod in Massachusetts and we went to go see this woman and my husband went first , and so I was looking around her house and I think I told you , I go , this woman didn't have a piece of dust anywhere in her house . I mean , it was amazing , her windows were totally pitch shiny clean . I'm going , she must have a really great person cleaning her house . I've never seen a house that clean , even if you live by yourself . And so , um , so he finished his session and I went up to the session and , um , two days before that I had a really irritating conversation with my mother and I told a friend of mine . I said I think my mother's mentally retarded . You know , I'm done , I can't deal with her anymore .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd um , and so when I'm having this healing with this woman , partway into it she put this turquoise Lotus blossom piece of jewelry on my chest and it felt like it weighed a thousand pounds . And so you know , and it says , and she didn't say the perception of this , she just laid it down , she had her hands and then she took her hands away and it's still . I was going like get that thing off of me . And um , and she just said to me Patricia , I just want to let you know that a mentally retarded person cannot give birth to a high priestess and a healer . And that's all she said , and she took the lotus blossom off .
Alethea FeltonAnd , and just quickly , audience for politically correctness . And and , with me being a former educator , the term used now is intellectually disabled , so I just wanted to put it out .
Dr. Pat BoulogneI want to get actual . That's the actual , that's the actual script .
Alethea FeltonYes , I completely . I get it because that term was used then and it was common and it switched over in just the last few years .
Dr. Pat BoulogneI totally understand . So , at any rate , when that session finished I got and we went back to Cape Cod and we didn't really talk about , like your session , my session thing . Yeah , you know , when I went to Cape Cod I called my mother up and I just said to her , is there anything that you ever wanted to do in your life and you never had a chance to do it ? And and I said , like you know , and she goes , well , like what do you mean you know ? And I said , well , like what do you mean you know ? And I said , well , like , go to Europe , or like you know .
Dr. Pat BoulogneLike you know , get a limousine , get some wine , have your girlfriends , you know , on the limousine you go to this great show and a beautiful dinner out , you know , so you can create more memories . And she said I need to get back to you , you know . And then about three weeks later she said I decided what I wanted to do because I told her . I said I wanted to give her that gift . Whatever it was and whatever it costs , I wanted to give her that gift . So she said that she wanted to go down with my aunt , who my aunt was a hot ticket . I mean , she was like so much fun , so different than my mother , um and so um . She wanted to go down and spend the winter in florida .
Dr. Pat BoulogneOh , she only wanted to go for a month because she didn't want to intrude and go for three months . So I called my aunt up and said you know that my mom said that she talked to you blah blah , blah she was . I'm trying to get her to come for the whole three months . I said great , then that's what I'll buy the airplane ticket for . Give me your start date , end date , so I can find a ticket , and you guys pick her up when she flies there and then I'll get her to the airport you know or have my sister take her to the airport so that she gets on a flight and that .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd so I told my mother we're all set .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAs I figured , if you got close for one month , you got close for three months and so uh , and so we just , we did , I just did it , you know , and I said I want to find out , you know , and I sent money to my aunt , to you know , to go out and do fun things with her , um , and that , so that they , because she always bonded with my aunt , they were like , you know , two peas , two peas in a pod , but my aunt was so different personality , wise and funny , and so she had my , her mother's , sense of humor , and so , at any rate , my mother did that , and that was the thing that kind of led to that healing between the healer and you know in that one piece , and so that when I talked to her it didn't have the stress anymore .
Dr. Pat BoulogneWow , you know , it's just like yeah exactly , and I can be like you know , hey , what did you see ? That and that type of thing , and then we moved on from you know , from that , and so we always had that kind of leisure conversation , you know , with that , and it didn't make me go back home because I was already in that cycle of never doing that . You know , and I've been at all these . Holidays depended upon what day of the week they fell on if I got on a plane . Holidays depended upon what day of the week they fell on if I got on a plane , but the and when I had my office , but it was ,
Navigating Mother-Daughter Relationship Dynamics
Dr. Pat Boulogneyou know , it was .
Dr. Pat BoulogneIt's just like the tension for that wasn't there . I mean , it's just like my mother was who she was . There's nothing I can do about my mother and who my mother is . No matter how many boundaries I set up , you know she's still going to be my mother , you know , and and I even , like , took to calling her by her first name , which she hated for a while . But when I said to her well , mom , I call my friends by my , their first name , you know , and my mother was never , you know , she didn't have that motherly thing going on with me , the lady across the street who's my mentor's wife . She was more my mother , my mother was , you know , and she was also like a buffer in between us many times , you know , and that . So it was just that . But that one moment between the healer and then doing that trip , and then until she ended up passing on , you know , from when she had her accident , you know it , there was never that big tension at all anymore .
Alethea FeltonDr Pat , did your mom ever tell you at any point in your life that she loved you ?
Dr. Pat Boulogneshe said it , but you know I don't remember her saying it a lot , but you know the times that she said it . You know I don't , you know , it's just like it just was words to me . You know , because she never had the ability to show like even , you know , when we organized her 90th birthday party , you know , and I asked my mom I'm like we sorted everything out between my brother and I . Who's doing this , who's doing that ? What relatives do we have to keep an eye on ? You know ? So for interaction purposes with this part , that part , you know kind of thing . And you know , and my mother asked my mother , go , how do you feel today ? So I gave my mother the mic and she goes , I'm just feeling the love , so thrilled to have everybody there at the same time . And I surprised her . She had a friend of hers that you know .
Dr. Pat BoulogneI came home from school one time and my bedroom set was no longer in my bedroom because she gave it to a friend of hers who , husband , moved everything out of the house and let this woman with just a telephone . So my mother gave her my bedroom set and so I ended up sleeping on the couch that time when I was home from college and and that woman who I never met came to my mother's birthday , you know , and I said to her do you still have my bedroom set , by the way ? And we laughed . It wasn't funny then , but we laughed about it . You know , at that , that piece , and she's just gone and she was just like I just love your mother . Your mother was so good to me . She had the ability to do that , but she didn't have the ability to do it with me .
Alethea FeltonIt's really interesting because I had a similar relationship with one of my aunts where everybody adored her I mean , everybody absolutely adored her but this aunt just didn't treat my mom right , didn't treat me right , didn't treat my sister right . Thankfully , prior to my aunt passing , I had the ability to confront her about some of those issues , but it was so amazing how so many other people saw this softer , caring , loving part of her that we her immediate family never saw . And so when your mom passed away , dr Pat , take us to that time because , despite the challenges in your relationship , grief is a process , of course , and even if the person didn't treat us right quote unquote we still go through this grieving process . But how were you feeling in that moment of knowing that your mother transitioned from this earth , that she's no longer here ? Transition from this earth , that she's no longer here ? Did certain emotions come full force to you or was it a gradual type of thing ? How did you feel in that moment of your mom's passing ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneI was happy for , you know , and it's just like and I because I view death a little bit different a lot of people do , because I don't and einstein's theory is that energy can't be created or destroyed , so I think that the physical body leaves . And she was suffering physically . You know , she was in a uh , they did not support her wheelchair and a transport , and one of her , like big wishes was be able to read without these guys on . You know , um , and she was 95 years old , 94 going into 95 years old , and she never wore glasses for reading , you know . And so you know , she was trying to maintain it and she was going to a eye doctor to get macular degeneration infections right , and so the guy didn't secure her wheelchair , you know , and wheelchair flipped over and she slammed her head into the grade in the in the van , oh my gosh . And then the transport van driver , who was a nurse , took her to the wrong kind of hospital . He didn't take her to a trauma hospital , he took her to a regular hospital . So she was three hours in another hospital before she got the help that she really needed . Oh my , and so you know . And then because of that she stroked out three times so she was never out of bed again . You know , you know from that .
Dr. Pat BoulogneSo we were , you know , when my mother had that , you know I , you know , when she was at a the nursing facility , you know , even before she was , you know , deemed and being in hospice , you know I would call up and I would say so , tell me what's going on , what are you doing today . And you know , she said they haven't brought me water yet . I said , mom , the reason why you're there , so that you can go and you can organize it all for them , so that they can get this down to a science , you know , and to be able to take care of you . Well , and I said , just tell them what you need and I'll call you back in five minutes . So I'd call up and there is a station . I said how come my mother doesn't have fresh water today yet ? It's nine o'clock , you know , and they would , you know , and this woman would go like , and she goes . Well , we brought water around . Maybe she already had water . Well , if it's from last night , it's stale .
Alethea FeltonYeah , exactly .
Dr. Pat BoulogneShe needs to have fresh water . Will you know , I go give her a call back and I'll be on the telephone with her until it gets there . And if your person can just say that they've delivered it it would make me feel better for the rest of the day . You know , and because they that was kind of stuff in the nursing homes happens a lot you know it , sure does you know , and , and so it's just like you got to stay on top of it yeah , she .
Dr. Pat BoulogneShe kept on saying to me there's some orange pill that's in my pills that makes me want to vomit , you know . So I call up what's the orange pill , what's it for ? You know , what are we ? What's , you know , going on with that ? You know , and so part of my family didn't like that because I have that knowledge , you know , and and be able to advocate , you know , on that level and I talked to , you know , the doctors , you know , when they deemed her incompetent and I said , well , how many days before that did she have ?
Dr. Pat Boulogneyou know , you know your synthetic morphine , because that happens a lot in , you know , in the situations also , so that when somebody , because they want them not to be able to make those decisions , so I said , if she doesn't clear it from her liver . You know , did you do a clearance test on that first ? And there's like that silence on the other side of the telephone and so you know , and then I go , I want you know . I think you should repeat it my in my smaller part of my family said they were fine with that decision you know , and it's just like in the suit of them , you know , but the you know my .
Dr. Pat BoulogneI had my one sister and I were just like where's that coming from , you know , and in making that decision , and so you know , it was just like I had the opportunity to help her out by . I was in Detroit , excuse me , at my girlfriend's house and my girlfriend's mother just passed oh , maybe four months before that , and her mom was fun . We used to eat . She was from New Jersey and we used to go visit her mother , like you know , for you know we'd go into New York and watch the ball drop and then come back out , you know , and that kind of like you know , 4th of July and that kind of stuff , and we'd always like bombard her mother with a bunch of girlfriends of hers and we would eat her out of house and home . And then she would just look at us and like she had such fun , you know , being participant . Do you want to come to the fireworks ? No , no , no , you girls go . I'm really glad to get you out of my house right now , but she was , she was fun . We'd never do that . My mom , yeah , anyway .
Dr. Pat BoulogneSo she came with me to the nursing home and so when I walked in and like , looking at my mother , I just said , you know that , she just said she was delusional , um , they gave her too much , um , you know , uh , uh , tremadol and and so um , and I just said she like . I said uh , she's standing and she goes . Your father was here , and I said he was , and I said um , and I said did he ask you out on a date ? You know ? And cause my father died and had he passed right yeah , 30 years ago .
Alethea FeltonWow .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd I just said to her . I said , you know , and I thought to myself , well , maybe he's coming here because he's going to help her transition .
Dr. Pat BoulogneExactly that's what I was thinking , you know and that he's trying to make it up to her , probably . And so , you know , and my girlfriend just got up out of the room , like all of a sudden , and she walked out and she was sitting in the lobby , you know , like kind of a community room , you know , and I walked , I said , mom , I'm gonna go find Joanne , you know , and I'll be right back . So I went to go find my girlfriend , you know , and she just said this is too close to my mom's stuff , I can't be in that room . And I said that's okay , I go go put down some music . She's the one that got me . Expect you to be in the room , you know . And she said she is , your mom really appreciate you being here .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd nobody , I mean , I was in a car . I just woke her up . I said we got to go to my mother's , my mother's nursing home , and she just said give me five minutes . And she literally threw clothes on . We're in the car . And I said something's wrong . And I said I can feel it , you know . So when I got there , all that other stuff happened , but she passed . That was in um , probably in April , and she passed , I believe , in um , like in July , june 27th , it's coming up on my brother's birthday . Okay , yeah , so it's .
Dr. Pat BoulogneYou know , it's really interesting how , like some pieces of the puzzle , I mean , even at her , you know , at her service she was very Catholic and at her service none of my family would volunteer to do a reading from the scripture or anything . So I did it , you know , I sang when she came , when they brought her coffin into the church , and my girlfriend , we planned it out this way , so I'm never going to make it past the first verse of Amazing Grace , I can guarantee you . But I love the acoustics and my mother loved to sing and so and we used to sing together . You know , it's just like when I , after we kind of had that reckoning we would , I would call her up and people thought it was probably crazy . I'd go to some park , you know , and turn the music on and we'd sing Patsy Cline .
Alethea FeltonOh , I love Patsy Cline music . Oh , I love , yes , I love , I love Patsy Cline ever since I was a kid and life comes full circle that , despite that challenging relationship you all had by the time she made her transition , it was such a different dynamics , and I know that we don't have a lot of time left , and so I wanted to know , in your role as a health , wellness and mindset strategist specifically , I know that you do a lot more , but how have these personal experiences with your mom influenced some of your professional approach to helping others that you work with , navigate family challenges ?
Dr. Pat Boulogneothers that you work with , navigate family challenges . Well , you know , I don't think it , I don't think it's ever changed . Okay , you know , because in my office that when I had an active office on Cape Cod , I treated families all the time , you know . So , sometimes what you know , the you know , I'd have a mother say to me I don't like my son's girlfriend , you know , and I said what's wrong with the girlfriend ? Cause I'm always , you know , like kids . I think kids got to go out and do a smorgasbord , like what kind of person do you really like ? You know that kind of thing ? And , um , and so my mother , you know , like their , you know their mother , I mean , you know , would tell me that Then the next time I see their kid , who was coming in later that day for an adjustment , I go , your mom told me you got a girlfriend and I said who is it ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneDo I know her ? Have you brought her in here with you ? You know , because you know a couple of them would bring their friends in , you know , and that , and he goes , oh , no , no , he goes . But Pat , dr Pat , this is a specific person I'm thinking of . I don't think my mom likes her . I was almost going to burst out laughing . I said well , I said why do you think that is ? And he just said I don't know . And I said well , let me ask you a question . I said I know you're 17 years old and some people get married when they're 17 and 18 years old and they stay married forever . And I said other people get married at 17 or divorced two years later . Can you ever see being married to this person ? And before he even thought about the answer , he said no . And I said well , be careful hanging out with her , then you know . And that's all I said .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd the next time I saw his mother , she said Dr Pat , I don't know what you said to him , but he broke up with her Interesting , you know , and he goes . They're still friends . And he said but they're , they're not , like you know , boyfriend , girlfriend anymore . You know , and he goes . What did you say to her I want to know what it is when I have my other kids get to that age . And I just said you know . I just asked him if I ever met her , you know , and I said I said you know . And I said said the . I think sometimes , if you give the opportunity and ask the right questions , the thought questions , to anybody , it they answer those questions themselves and then the thing is that go what you did . You gave them the ability to use his voice , to be able to talk about it , you know , and , and , and also to be able to simulate that . So he very fortunate that he had a mother that was able to provide that .
Alethea FeltonYeah and say that a listener or a client or just anyone is having a challenge with , say , a parent dynamic , either a mom or a dad . What recommendations or words of advice would you give to others who are having similar challenges in that parent-child relationship ?
Resilience and Mentoring Lessons
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , you know what my mentors did when they had four girls and they were all within like maybe eight years of each other , 10 years of each other , and so anytime that they wanted to get a message to their daughters , they always told me and then I would like have this , somehow , have this conversation with their kids , and their kids always made the right decision . And so , you know , I think sometimes it's better to hear it from a third party . Okay , now , who has an invested interest in seeing someone do well ? But sometimes , you know , it's like you know , when people sit on boards . You know and I sit on a board that you know for a year now I'm going you can't put propylene glycol in that product .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd but the medical doctor when he came on , he said you can't put propylene glycol in that product .
Dr. Pat BoulogneThey listen , you know .
Dr. Pat BoulogneIt's just like sometimes who's delivering that message , you know .
Dr. Pat BoulogneSo when I told the medical doctor , you got to say this and back me up when I say this and because it doesn't belong in products if you're putting , you don't want to put propylene glycol on your skin .
Dr. Pat BoulogneYou know , you don't want to use it , you don't want to drink it , you don't want to put any , it doesn't belong in the human frame and so but having sometimes hearing things from that outside party who has an invested interest with you know , like , like they're like for kids in that experience , and then in the other , you know it's just outside it , you know it balances out so that they're hearing it from their parents but they're also hearing it from somebody else who is an invested interest and where that then the kids look up to like an aunt , an uncle . You know I had an uncle , my mother's brother , who was always so much fun , you know , and and so like you could like hang out . All the kids like to hang out with them , you know , it seems like , everybody has that cool uncle , somebody has the cool aunt , you know my girlfriend's .
Dr. Pat BoulogneYou know , my girlfriend was bringing her . Uh , we were in a van and we were bringing up this other woman and her daughter and her daughter to go see boys on the block or whoever those people are . And so when they're sitting there , I'm looking at them , I said , do you guys bring the makeup with you ? And they said , oh , we did . And I said you cannot go out looking like that . We got a picture , you know . And I said so I put makeup on them , you know , and the other mother is going like asking my girlfriend , is she like okay , you know , and you know it's just like , but they , her kids , went out with like not looking like , they have bright blue , you know , then nobody wore bright blue makeup , you know , and having something , their faces looked really nice and they look very young and they look very professional , even at the age of 16 or 15 or something like that . But they love like boys on the block or whatever . And you know , and so when we did , when we um did that , but they love like boys on the block or whatever , and you know , and so when we did , when we did that , you know , they came back and they said , you know , I said did the boys on the block talk to you ? She goes , no , but every other boy did and they're like you know , just like when , cause we went back to pick them up , you know , from that concert and we went into Boston and had , like you know , dinner and frolic down , you know , newberry street but the it was great , you know , to be able to have that influence . You know , with that and I think you know I've carried that over and a lot of different frames that you know I can there's , you know I can there's oh , I have a lot of stories , yes , of course , about that and how people made that transformation . You know .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd just dropping the idea in the bucket , I met a woman who was very low self-esteem and she ended up getting her breasts done to increase them and she had this dress on that . She didn't have time to fix the straps on it , so I took her scarf off . My girlfriend said I hit cross the mini sign across and she left and she goes I'll meet you at the front , you know . Know , um , back at the table , I'll see you in 15 minutes . And so I took this one and I said take the necklace off .
Dr. Pat BoulogneI said you're , because it was kind of a bar like was like a kind of a cheeky kind of bar that people met each other at in Boston . And so I took her scarf and I interwove it on the back of her strap so they wouldn't fall off . It looks so cool the way that it fell down in the and on her back , you know , changed her makeup a little and now when I walked out of the bathroom with her , her friends turned around and went like wow , it was a whole new . What happened ? Yes , and she just pointed to me I love her , you know and I just went just want to spread the good news .
Alethea FeltonExactly , and it's . It's small things like that that can make a world of difference in a person's life , and you certainly are making differences in people's lives . So if a person wants to connect with you , dr Pat , to learn more about you , to look into your services , what is the best way that a listener can contact you ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , if they're on a social platform like LinkedIn , you know and I'm sure we'll have show notes for this yes , they can reach out to me there . Another way to do that is on my website , which is called Health Team Network . There's numerous places where you can say , where it says contact us . You know , on the front on the opening page , if you scroll down , there's a microphone and if you click on the microphone you can leave me a message . So that's one way to do that and you know from that .
Dr. Pat BoulogneYou can also schedule time on my calendar for a complimentary time with me just to have chat , exactly Wonderful , you know , and I'm on Instagram and I'm on Facebook , you know , I use my personal page more than I use my business page , you know , for a lot of good reasons , and and because I like to find out what people are doing . You know , and and I like to , and I like the , the , the mindset of you know , like posting things that you know , sometimes they're a little controversial because a lot of people don't want to face their health issues you know and or their mental challenges .
Dr. Pat BoulogneThey , you know it's easier to put them underneath the bed , you know , and like in a case that you'd like , you know , sometimes they have containers for that kind of thing and you know then it is to look at it so , but those are the best places is the website you know , and any social platform , instagram , facebook , in my personal page , and they're all spelled the same way , like just my full name , dr Papillon , no punctuation .
Alethea FeltonGot you and as a closing question , in thinking about Dr Pat , the journey definitely a journey with your mom . What would you say briefly is one of the most profound lessons that you learned about forgiveness and resilience when dealing with your mother ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneWell , interesting enough when we started out this conversation . I always write down keywords when I'm on a show , and so the first word I wrote down on my for my word is resilience .
Alethea FeltonOh my goodness , you know , look at that you know .
Dr. Pat BoulogneAnd the second audience .
Alethea FeltonI did not know that . Please know that I didn't know .
Dr. Pat BoulogneIt's just like we're psychic , you know , it's the word that you know . I would have to say I learned because of how my mother , you know , that interaction with me growing up , even with my sisters , I learned to be very resilient . I learned to be very resourceful and very resilient and I carried those powerhouses , those are my power tools throughout my whole life . You know , when crisis hits the fan , I don't freak out , I just like like okay , what's the problem , let's fix it , and what's our resources , you know , and like how are we going to get out of this ? Like you know , or how how can we make this so that it's a , you know , a negative into a positive ?
Dr. Pat BoulogneBecause I prefer to end , you know , any interactions I have on a positive note and I always ask when I'm personally working with somebody , I always ask them what do you think is our keyword from today that we're working with ? You know , and so it's funny that we use the word resilience . And then when I have them Jews , I have them meditate quickly , you know , or really think that word out and about what that word means to them , and then release it to the universe and then put it in their energy field . And so I always in any coaching that I have , you know , or course you know , when I'm teaching a course lesson , I always end it on that positive note because we can take those transformations . Sometimes , you know , I'll take a transformation , that's positive , that's this big . You know , the ones that are this big are okay too , but I'll take that little piece because everything accumulates and if you keep on accumulating good things , good things can come to you . That's right , a lot faster and a lot quicker and you can do them in a safer way .
Alethea FeltonWow , thank you . Thank you , Dr Pat . It has been such an honor having you on the Power Transformation podcast . You have dropped a lot of nuggets and thank you for just your vulnerability and sharing this aspect of your story . It is sure to help a lot of people out and you just as a healer in and of itself . I know that anybody that works with you comes across . You definitely leave feeling more encouraged , inspired and hopeful , as I have with you from the day that we met , and I'm just very grateful that you took time to guest us with your presence , and I hope and pray nothing but the best for you , and of course , we will keep in touch , but thank you again for just being a light .
Dr. Pat BoulogneThank you very much . I love turning the dimmer switch up . I don't just have on and off , I have dimmer switches . I love spreading , you know , I love spreading that energy you know , and so it's such a pleasure and I'm so thrilled that we have that music crossover , you know too . So thank you very much for having me on your show .
Alethea FeltonMany thanks again to Dr Pat for gracing us with her presence today , didn't ? She ? Certainly have so much knowledge to share , and even in terms of the act and the art of forgiveness is so powerful . And maybe you have a challenge with a loved one that you need to resolve within your heart , or even with that person whether they are still alive or not , that really doesn't matter . But find the peace within yourself to find that forgiveness so that you may move on to greater and brighter things in your future .
Alethea FeltonI invite you to join me here yet again on another episode of the Power Transformation podcast . Episodes are released every Wednesday and you know what ? Be a light to someone else in your community . Pay it forward , walk away today , knowing that you too can make a difference in not only your local community but the world around you . Let's go ahead and close out with our affirmation I will say it and then you repeat it I am committed to creating positive change and growth in my family and friend groups . If you enjoyed today's show , then you don't want to miss an episode . So follow the Power Transformation podcast on Apple Podcasts , spotify or wherever you usually listen , and remember to rate and review . I also invite you to connect with me on social media at Alethea Felton , that's at A-L-E-T-H-E-A-F-E-L-T-O-N . Until next time , remember to be good to yourself and to others .